Big Island In The Sky
by CharliesHoodie
Summary: The dead Losties learn to deal with each other on the Big Island in the Sky while they also exchange fan theories and discuss their thoughts about Lost.
1. Chapter 1

**Big Island In The Sky**  
Chapter One**  
**

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: I dunno how the idea for this story came about, but I wanted to write something funny again. So this is about the dead characters of Lost, talking about the show.  
_

* * *

"See, here, on the Big Island in the Sky, we don't EVER run out of water. And we don't have to run to the springs in the caves to get it, either. It's all just right here at our command," Shannon told him. 

Charlie looked around, impressed. "I like it here a lot more. And no monsters, right?"

"No monsters on the Big Island in the Sky."

Charlie froze. "And Mikhail?"

"Yeah, he's not dead."

"Damn it."

"Yeah, I know. I don't think he's going to die…ever…but he wouldn't come to the Big Island in the Sky, anyway. He would go to the Big Island Under Ground."

"That's funny," Charlie said. "All the journalists that talk about Lost never mention the Big Island Under Ground. Every time one of us dies, they say 'So-an-so goes to that Big Island In The Sky!' or 'So-and-so goes to Boone Hill!' What about the bad characters? Where do THEY go?"

Shannon shrugged. "Just saying that everyone goes to the Big Island in the Sky is kind of a supportive thing to make the fans of the character not go crazy. It makes them feel like the character is still around."

"How does it do that?"

"Because they're on an island still."

"In the SKY. I don't think they can get camera equipment up here. I don't think we're going back on the show."

"Hey, I came back on the show!" Boone called over, walking towards them. "I was a vision! For Locke!"

"Yeah, for about two minutes in one episode," Shannon said, rolling her eyes. "I came back, too. In Nikki and Paulo's episode. With you."

"For about two seconds. In one episode," Boone countered back.

'I see you guys are still bickering," Charlie sighed.

Boone blinked at Charlie.

"What're you doing here, man?"

"I DIED. What do you think?"

"…I watched the finale, but I thought you were still alive! JJ Abrams said you would never get killed off…you're the Hobbit! You brought in like, a huge fan base!"

Charlie sighed. "And when, exactly, was the last time you heard about JJ Abrams being associated with Lost? Like, mid-season one or something!"

"But it's in print! From the TV Guide! What jerks…they went back on their word."

Charlie shrugged. "I can see where they're coming from, though. That would've been a cheat – to keep me alive when Desmond was saying I was going to die."

Shannon frowned. "Desmond? Who's Desmond?"

Boone scowled. "Haven't you been _watching? _Desmond's the guy from the hatch. And season three he told Charlie he was going to die. He had like…these trippy visions."

"I don't watch it anymore. It's too confusing. I just came for that one episode they wanted me to be in during the flashbacks. Other than that, screw it. That plot sounds stupid anyway. I mean, come ON…when a character is supposedly going to die, you don't _kill them off_."

"It was reverse psychology," Charlie explained bluntly with a shrug. "Genius, really."

Boone blinked. "You're pretty Zen about this whole thing. What's up with you?"

"Oh, they made me be at peace with absolutely everything before I died. It hasn't worn off yet."

"Charlie!"

Charlie turned around and saw Libby coming towards him. She hugged him tightly, and then paused.

"What are you doing here?"

"I died. In the season finale."

"Oh, damn it! Why'd you tell me?!"

"…You asked…"

"I haven't SEEN the finale yet! How'd you die – WAIT – don't tell me!"

"…Ok."

"I have it on TiVo, though. I'm going to watch it tonight."

"That finale was intense," Boone said.

"Don't talk about it! I haven't SEEN it yet."

"You can leave then! We want to talk about it!" Boone yelled.

"That's ok…" Charlie said with a shrug. "We can talk about the Grey's Anatomy finale, instead. Can you believe that they didn't get married?!"

"La la la la la!" Libby sung loudly. "I'm not listening!"

"We're not talking about Lost…" Boone said.

"I haven't seen the Grey's finale either!" Libby exclaimed. "I have it on TiVo, too!"

"Just leave and go somewhere else," Boone said, pointing down the beach. "Charlie and I want to talk about the Lost finale."

Libby scowled and left.

"Ok, so, did you get the whole 'Not Penny's Boat' thing? That's where I got lost. So Naomi really is bad?"

"Of course I got it," Charlie said, showing Boone his hand with the writing still on it. "I'm the one who TOLD Desmond."

"You didn't _tell _him, technically."

"I let him know, then," Charlie said with a shrug.

"Lost is so confusing. I mean, what the hell were they thinking? Now there's going to be this whole 'Not Penny's Boat' drama and YOU'RE not going to get the attention you deserve. This is bull."

Charlie shrugged. "That's ok."

"…What does it take to make you mad?" Boone asked.

"I dunno," Charlie shrugged. "I'm still at peace with everything. It was the right choice."

Boone rolled his eyes. "They screwed you up with the whole death premonition thing, man."

"Charlie! Hey baby brother!"

Charlie turned around and saw Liam, who hugged him. Charlie pulled away, shocked.

"Liam! What're you doing here?!"

"C'mon, don't you remember my line in Greatest Hits about how I wouldn't live past thirty in the state I was in?"

"Yeah, but that was a trick! See, you're the one who got married and had a baby and I'm the one who didn't live past thirty!"

"Yeah, well, the writers stick with their word. You and I are proof."

Charlie frowned. "How'd you…?"

"Remember my shrimp allergy? Yeah…I accidentally had something with shrimp sauce at this restaurant."

Charlie shook his head. "This is ridiculous. Since when did they stick with their word? Locke looked like he was about to die – he didn't. Sawyer's been shot, like, ten times! If everyone that looked like they were about to die DID die, there wouldn't be a SHOW anymore!"

"They only keep alive the A-team, Charlie," Shannon said. "If you haven't noticed that."

"The A-team?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah. That's the term we use to put all the important characters in a category. They don't die."

"…I guess I wasn't in the A-team," Charlie said.

"Nope. The A-team members are Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Locke. Sayid and Hurley are kind of on the A-team borderline. They could still kill off Sayid, but Hurley might as well be considered the A-team because he's the comic relief. He won't die," Shannon explained.

"I was comic relief!"

"Now we're getting some hostility," Boone said.

"The B-team is everyone else," Shannon said. "And people that just kind of hang out and don't do anything are called Redshirts."

"What am I called?" Liam asked.

"Oh, flashback characters don't really have a name. People call you 'Charlie's brother,' In this one book, called The Lost Chronicles, they even call you Ian Pace. It was a typo, or lack of caring, I guess." Shannon said.

"Oh."

"Who comes up with this stuff, anyway?" Charlie asked.

"Journalists, fans…" Boone said.

"So do you think that Sun is going to die, since she's pregnant? I mean, now that they've said she is, she has to…right?" Charlie asked Boone.

"Sun's pregnant?" Shannon asked. "Why does that mean she has to die?!"

Charlie shrugged. "Should've been watching the show."

* * *

**-LOST-**

_A/N: I hope you liked it. Let me know if I should write more. Notice how the characters are based kind of after fans and how they act. There's the person who stopped watching, and the person who freaks out when you talk about it around them when they haven't watched a certain episode yet…yeah. I thought it would be fun to do. _

_Please, let me know if I should continue this and if you have any ideas for further chapters!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Two

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: A lot of people wanted a second chapter, so here it is!_

* * *

"I dunno, man. Sun isn't really part of the A-team, she could go," Boone answered Charlie.

"But they've already killed off so many girls! I mean, come on, they can't kill off Sun," Charlie objected.

Boone shrugged. "I guess people shouldn't have been complaining about how many girls have been dying. Because they killed off you," Boone said.

"Yeah, maybe now they'll go back to the girls," Shannon said.

Now Ana came up the beach of the Big Island in the Sky. She waved slightly at Charlie and then blinked.

"They killed you off?"

"Yeah."

"Damn. I thought you were still alive in that control room."

"Yeah, basically everyone thinks that…they need to read the interviews with the writers, about how keeping me alive was a cheat and all, you know, even though I have a 'family' and a back story that has amazing potential. Apparently you can't beat fate, so, here I am."

Ana shrugged. "My death was a fan shout out. Think about how that feels."

"Think about how it feels to just peacefully be watching Lost and then figuring out that the people you contacted with the radio in season one before you DIED turned off their radio!" Boone suddenly exclaimed.

"Hey man, back off," Ana warned. "We've already been over this. I thought you were one of them."

Boone glared at her. "And then you turn around and shoot Shannon!"

"Oh my God," Ana sighed. "How many people are going to bitch at me about this? It was an accident!"

"Yeah, I stopped watching after I died…" Shannon said with a shrug. She paused. "Hey, who ARE you?"

"If you stopped watching after you died, you saw The Other 48 Days…right? I was in that. A lot," Ana explained.

"Yeah, I must've missed that one because I have NO idea who you are."

"Oh. I'm the chick that shot you…hi," Ana said with a slight wave.

"Oh…hi."

"Anyway," Charlie continued, trying to prevent a fight. "So where are the rest of them? Eko, Nikki, Paulo…"

"Who?" Shannon asked.

"I'm telling you, watch the SHOW," Charlie said for what seemed the millionth time.

"Fine. Maybe I'll start watching again. Eko has Season 2 on DVD," Shannon said.

"You know, I'm still really shocked that they killed you off," Ana said, looking at Charlie. "I mean, you were the cute one. All the other guys were the big, strong, tall, sexy types…except Hurley…and you were just the cute one."

"…Thanks?"

"What was I?" Boone asked.

Ana made a face. "You fell into the weird category. Kind of cute, kind of creepy."

Boone didn't say anything.

"You know who they should really kill off? Claire. I mean, really, she has a sucky back-story, an annoying accent, and she doesn't DO anything. She just stands around and yells at people – like you." Ana nodded over at Charlie. "Now what's she gonna do? You're dead."

"They'll probably make her all angsty and upset about that. Then she'll find someone new to yell at," Boone said.

"Don't talk that way about her!" Charlie exclaimed. "You guys are all jerks! I'm going to go find Eko." He turned to go.

"Fine! But we won't watch Season 3 with you in February!" Boone taunted.

"That's like, next year!" Charlie said. "And I'll just watch it with Eko!"

"Eko always falls asleep. And drools." Shannon made a face. "I tried watching Desperate Housewives with him once. Didn't work out so well."

Charlie frowned and turned back to them. "Fine. But don't talk about Claire like that."

"Yeah, ok, deal," Boone agreed. He then changed the subject. "Hey, I was watching this show, and there was this girl named Clair in it. She was a really, really annoying bitch…"

"Hey!" Charlie warned. "You said-"

"We're not talking about Claire Littleton. We're talking about Clair. C-L-A-I-R. No 'E,'" Boone explained.

"Yeah, with her annoying accent…" Shannon said, catching on.

"You guys are ridiculous."

"It was a New Zealand accent! Not an Australian one!" Shannon explained.

"What show is this?" Charlie asked, suspicious.

"…The O.C.?" Shannon tried.

"The Clare in The O.C. spelled her name C-L-A-R-E. And she was only in, like, three episodes," Ana said, raising an eyebrow. "And she wasn't from New Zealand."

"Oh." Shannon shrugged.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "They're not going to kill her off. Because now she's Jack's half-sister. And plus, she has to get on that helicopter. That's why I died."

"Well, maybe she dies back home," Ana said with a shrug. "Maybe she's the person in that casket during the flash-forwards."

"Flash-forwards…?" Shannon asked.

"Where's Eko?" Charlie asked, turning to Boone.

Boone pointed behind Charlie. Charlie turned around and saw Eko walking up.

"Oh! Hi!" Charlie turned back to Boone. "Do people do that a lot? Just…walk up from nowhere?"

Boone nodded.

Charlie turned back to Eko. "Can Shannon borrow Season 2 from you so she can catch up?"

"Yes, of course," Eko said, handing her the box set. "Now maybe you'll know who I am, instead of just watching Desperate Housewives with me all the time."

"…Oh…you were on Lost?" Shannon asked.

"Haven't you noticed that EVERYONE here is from the show?" Boone said.

"…Not Nikki and Paulo…"

Charlie shook his head. "Watch this, and then the season three episodes Libby has on TiVo. Then everything will make sense."

Shannon nodded and walked off with the box set.

Eko turned to Charlie. "Sorry you died."

"Oh, it's cool. Sorry you died…"

Eko scowled. "Oh, NOW you say it. You didn't seem to care too much."

Charlie's mouth dropped open slightly. "Well, sorry! I was sort of preoccupied with my own looming death!"

"Uh huh. Right. Didn't even finish the church."

Charlie threw his hands up in the air. "There was no time!"

"You weren't even IN half the episodes in Season 3! You had plenty of time!"

"…I had other stuff to do! Like, trying to not die. It's not my fault you decided to chase ghosts around the jungle and get killed by the big monster thing."

"We call him Smokey, "Boone pointed out.

Charlie gave him a strange look. "…That's kind of weird. But ok."

"It's not my fault your whole focus in Season 3 was dying," Eko said. "Maybe you shouldn't be so…short! And vulnerable. Then someone else would've died. You could've toughed it out."

"It's kind of hard to NOT die when the person who SEES said death doesn't tell you and leads you into the jungle where you almost get an arrow in the throat!"

Eko started laughing. "That was a funny episode. I liked the beginning."

"…Whatever happened to you actually liking me?"

"You didn't finish the church."

"You're the one who stopped building it in the first place in Season 2! I'M the one who got mad! YOU wanted to stop building it!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Ok, first of all, when someone says to stop building the church, that means they WANT you to build it. Especially when they die."

"How am I supposed to know what you want when you tell me the exact opposite?!"

Eko scowled. "Way to tune into my emotions. Really."

Boone was watching with mild amusement. "You guys fight like a couple."

**-LOST-**

* * *

_A/N: Next chapter, Shannon starts watching Season 2 and 3 and maybe Nikki and Paulo will make an appearance! Eventually, they'll all start watching Season 4. That should be fun._

_I hope you guys are getting the fan parallels with certain characters. Because basically everything is based after what fans have said. With the Claire thing, I've heard all that from various people. She has an annoying accent, her back-story sucks, etc. A lot of this is stuff that I don't personally think, just for the record. I like Claire's accent._

_And believe it or not, I don't watch any of the shows that I've made references to. Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, The O.C. … I just thought those would be fun to add in, even though I totally DON'T watch them. There was a Clare in The O.C., though. And she was in it for three episodes. Thank you, imdb!_

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Three

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: And here is your third chapter!_

* * *

"What the hell," Shannon said, her mouth full of food as she swung around the chocolate bar in her right hand. "The Other 48 Days was after I died. No wonder I didn't know who she was." She turned to Charlie. "Why'd she lie about that?"

She, Charlie, Eko, Boone, and Liam were all watching Season 2. They were currently watching 'Abandoned,' the episode Shannon died in.

Charlie shrugged. "She just does random stuff like that to spite people. You'll see later on in Season 2."

Shannon shrugged. "That wasn't a good lie. At all. What did Ana get from it?"

"She's just a bitch," Boone said.

"…Ok. So lying to me about the _order of episodes in a television series_…that's just weird."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "You think that's weird? She looked at my ass. A lot."

Boone laughed. "Oh, you wish. That was one time. And you had a gun. That's what she was looking at."

"She's still weird!"

"You don't even HAVE an ass," Eko pointed out.

Charlie frowned. "Now we're just trying to hurt each other."

Liam snickered slightly. "That _is_ true."

Charlie said nothing.

"Yeah, that's right, don't argue with Eko," Boone laughed. "He could snap your neck with a flick of his wrist. He's like Chuck Norris."

"Except I'm already DEAD so how would that affect me?" Charlie asked.

No one said anything for a moment.

"Anyone could snap his neck," Shannon said finally. "_I _could snap his neck."

"Yeah, yeah, you could, Shannon," Charlie said. "With your big meaty arms. They go along with your big sausage thighs." He pointed at the chocolate bar. "You'd better stop eating! Or you're going to get _fatter_."

Shannon smirked. "No one gains weight here."

Charlie turned back towards the TV. "Can we just watch the sodding show?"

The group sat in silence for a while. A few episodes later, Shannon looked distraught.

"What?" Boone asked her.

"Why doesn't he care?" Shannon whined. "Why does Sayid just forget about me?"

"Because that's what ALWAYS happens when people die," Charlie pointed out. "They die, people care for about two seconds, and then it's back to playing bloody ping-pong on the beach. That's in Season 3, though."

"…People play ping-pong on the beach in Season 3?"

"Yep."

"Oh my God. Is that one of those little side-story things that have NOTHING to do with the plot of the show?" Shannon asked.

"Exactly that," Charlie confirmed.

Liam listened to their conversation. "What do you guys do when you're like…not on the show? Like, just hanging out on the beach?"

"There're some extra side-stories that are so unrelated to anything that they don't show them," Charlie said. "Once Jin and I found another hatch."

"…That sounds pretty related," Boone said.

"Yeah, but they wanted to fit in Hurley and Sawyer trying to find the frog," Charlie pointed out.

Shannon was still watching, frowning. "I mean, can I get some kind of sign from him that he CARES that I died?"

After The Long Con, Shannon turned to Charlie, eyes wide.

"YOU did that to Sun?! You're such a jerk!" she exclaimed.

"It was Sawyer's idea!" Charlie said. "Besides, Locke totally deserved it."

Boone nodded. "Yeah. Locke's the jerk."

Charlie blinked. "But in Season 3 you go back in his trippy tent thing and you're like 'It's cool man. I was a sacrifice the island demanded.'"

"Yeah, I was definitely _mocking _him," Boone pointed out. "Who is actually ok with dying? Seriously."

Charlie raised his hand.

"Ok, well, you don't count," Boone said, waving his hand in dismissal. "You're a complete freak of nature. 'Oh, I love you and I've known you for three months and you've never done anything for me but I'm still going to go DROWN for you,'" Boone said in a high-pitched English accent.

"Shut UP!" Charlie yelled. "It was a long three months!"

"Of not getting any action," Boone added.

Charlie glared at him.

"What? You were like, the only guy that hadn't gotten some."

"Oh, SO not true," Charlie countered. "Jack. And Hurley…uh…Desmond!"

"Desmond was at least going to eventually after he got back. He has that hot girlfriend Penny. Hurley has an excuse. He's fat. And Jack and Juliet…something's going to happen there. They've already kissed."

"But Jack loves Kate," Charlie said.

"And Kate's screwing Sawyer," Boone said.

Shannon glared at them. "Stop spoiling stuff!"

"Claire and I kissed!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Twice. Over the course of three seasons," Boone said.

"JACK has only been kissed twice!"

"And Jack isn't dead."

"Damn it, Boone! You're bloody awful! Besides, YOU never got ANYTHING. No kissing, nothing."

"I wasn't even around for a whole SEASON! And in flashbacks, Shannon and I-" He stopped.

Charlie started laughing.

"Shut UP. It's not incest."

"It's still absolutely disgusting," Charlie said.

"We're not _related," _Shannon added in.

"But you guys grew up together…I mean, it's just creepy," Charlie said.

Boone blushed. Shannon rolled her eyes and started watching again.

Eventually, they got through the season finale of season two.

"Oh my God!" Shannon shrieked once the credits rolled. "What was that whole thing at the end? With Penny and the guy that looks like Jack?" She paused. "WAS he Jack?"

Charlie sighed. "No. That's NOT Jack."

"…Oh." Shannon paused. "Do they talk about them next season?"

"Nope," Charlie and Boone said at the same time.

"Why not?" Shannon asked.

"Since when does stuff like that get cleared up?" Charlie questioned her.

"But maybe-"

"Shannon," Charlie stopped her. "Do you know what Smokey is?"

"No."

"Do you know why Locke was in a wheelchair?"

"…No."

"You find that out next season," Boone added in.

"Like, twenty episodes in," Charlie scowled. He went back to Shannon. "Do you know why Locke is OUT of his wheelchair?"

"No…" She looked at Boone.

Boone shook his head. "You don't find that out next season."

"Do you know why Rose doesn't have cancer anymore?" Charlie continued.

"No, Charlie, but-"

"And do you know why those skeletons back from Season 1 had those black and white stones, or what they were doing there in the first place?"

"No! But ok, I get it!" Shannon exclaimed.

"Good. So do you think you're going to find out about those guys next season?"

"…No."

"Now you're getting it," Charlie said with a smile.

Shannon frowned. "Wow. I thought maybe they'd start answering stuff after Season 1…"

Charlie, Boone and Eko looked at each other and laughed.

"That's really cute," Eko said.

Liam smiled. "I'm so glad I didn't have to hang out with you people on the island."

Charlie stood up. "Ok, Shannon, go watch Season 3 on Libby's TiVo. I personally don't feel like watching it."

"Me either," Eko said, standing up to join him.

Boone looked up. "Why not?"

"Because every other episode it's like 'You're gonna die, brotha,'" Charlie said, faking a Scottish accent. "And then eventually I kinda die. It's a little depressing."

Eko nodded. "And I die early on. I don't feel like watching it again."

Shannon shrugged. "Fine. I'll go watch Season 3." She stood up.

Now Libby walked towards them, tears streaming down her face.

"Oh. My. God," she said quietly before sobbing.

Charlie beamed. "Pretty depressing season finale, wasn't it?" He asked. "I know, I know, hard to believe I died. One of those things you have to see before you believe. I thought I had prepped you for it when I told you ahead of time, but I guess not-"

"I can't believe Kate isn't with Jack!" Libby cut him off.

Shannon ran away, covering her ears.

"…Oh, yeah. That's pretty crazy," Charlie said with a shrug.

"I mean, come ON," Libby said, throwing her hands up in the air. "Everyone knows the guy she was talking about in the flash-forwards was Sawyer! And who's in the casket?! And Jack's beard doesn't look sanitary!"

Charlie looked up. "So, uh, what do you think about what happened in The Looking Glass?"

"Oh, man, I LOVE Good Vibrations! The Beach Boys are awesome." She hit Charlie's shoulder lightly. "I didn't know you liked them!"

Charlie shook his head and looked away.

"…Oh," Libby's face suddenly looked very downcast. Charlie looked back up.

"What?"

Libby's frowned deepened. "That Mikhail guy…" she shuddered. "Why isn't his missing eye infected or something?"

"Yeah, I DIED," Charlie finally exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah, I know," she said. "But can you believe the way they set it up to look like Jin, Sayid and Bernard got shot? That was messed up."

Boone nodded in agreement. "Oh, I know."

"I cried."

"Me too." Boone looked at Charlie. "I cried when you died too, man."

"Are you just saying that to be nice?"

"No! I really did cry."

Eko raised his hand slightly. "I laughed…just so you know. Only because your face looked really funny when the water was rising up."

"Oh, yeah, yeah!" Charlie said, laughing along mockingly, his face flushing red. "Before it rose up above my head so I couldn't rise to the surface and take a final breath before my life was sucked away from me? That was pretty hilarious."

Eko covered his mouth slightly as his body shook with laughter. "Yeah."

**-LOST-**

* * *

_A/N: All righty, next chapter I'll see if I can fit Nikki and Paulo in. And the characters might read a little Fanfiction, as requested by one of my readers. I really liked that idea too! It would be pretty funny if they read slash, I think. Haha._

_Let me know if you guys have any other ideas! They'd be greatly appreciated!_

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Four

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: Not much to say, but thanks so much for all the positive feedback! __**SassyLostie **__apparently thinks I'm a master of humor. No, I'm not! I actually think most of the 'funny' stuff I write is rubbish. Or it was funny for about two seconds. Then a week later, I go back and read it, and I'm like "Oh. Damn it. What was I thinking?" It's embarrassing, really. But if you guys want to read any of my other 'humor' stories, check out Lost Blondes (which a lot of people liked) and Tour Ring's Making, which I didn't get too many reviews for. No one likes DriveSHAFT, even in real life. Sigh._

_**Note: None of the Fanfiction that the characters read is real Fanfiction. I just made it up as I went.**_

_Enjoy chapter four!_

* * *

"'_You want to know why I wanna save you, brotha?' Desmond said, his eyes blazing with frustration. 'You really wanna know?' Desmond lunged himself at Charlie, his sun-chapped lips- _what the hell?!" Charlie exclaimed, pushing himself away from the computer. "This is disgusting!" 

"_-his sun-chapped lips pressing against his friend's. Charlie was taken off guard, but slowly began to kiss Desmond back, his tongue feeling the smooth teeth of the Scotsman,_" Boone continued, hardly being able to conceal his laughter. "_This was why. This was why a stranger, such a beautiful stranger, wanted to save the life of someone he hardly knew."_

Charlie pointed at the computer screen, a frightened look on his face. "I'm not gay!" he said, as if his friends were already accusing him of it. "I don't know where this came from – it never happened!"

"Are you sure this isn't one of those side stories that never made it into the show because of how un-related it was?" Shannon teased harmlessly.

Charlie took her seriously. "YES! I'm positive! This never, EVER happened!" He stood up from his chair and paced nervously. "Why is this on the computer? Why is this LIE up for everyone to read?"

"It's called Fanfiction," Boone told him. "It's just a story that a fan wrote. People write Fanfiction when they become so obsessed with a show, movie, or book and they have no lives. It's all just a lie – none of it really has happened, unless they're basing it after an event in the book or movie or show. But most of it is just lies."

Shannon pointed at the screen where the writer's penname was. "Their name is 'ChesmondLuver.' That pretty much explains it."

Charlie's face scrunched in confusion. "Chesmond? What's tha-" he paused. "…Oh."

"It's ok, man," Boone reassured him. "There's also Churley."

Charlie blinked rapidly as if trying to get the image out of his mind. "What do they call Claire and I?"

"It's between Chaire and Chlaire. Or PB&J," Shannon answered.

"So…they have set names for me and Desmond and me and Hurley but there're three different names for the person I was actually WITH?"

"Yep," Boone said.

"Why PB&J?" Charlie asked. "Jelly was never involved."

"It doesn't STAND for peanut butter and jelly," Shannon said. "It stands for Pregnant Broad and Junkie."

"…But she's not pregnant anymore! And I'm not a junkie! That's just great. One of the official names for us isn't even accurate."

"But the Chesmond and Churley names remain set," Boone assured him.

"Great. Thanks. That made me feel a lot better."

Shannon clicked on ChesmondLuver's penname and went to her profile.

"'OMG, Chesmond is soooo hot. They're my favorite ship, like, their accents are so sexy. So read my stories, kthnx,'" Shannon read, laughing. "It's amazing this chick can even WRITE that well."

"I didn't think it was that good," Charlie growled.

"It was very descriptive," Boone grinned.

Shannon scrolled down on the profile and read the summary for one of ChesmondLuver's stories.

"_One night while drinking what's left of Sawyer's wine stash, things get a little tipsy for Charlie and Desmond. But their actions aren't necessarily caused by the alcohol, but hidden feelings."_

"I think we should read this one," Shannon said.

"No. No, we shouldn't," Charlie said, grabbing the mouse and clicking off the website. "This stuff never HAPPENED!" he exclaimed, yet again in panic. "Why are they saying stuff like that?! I mean, whatever happened to 99 percent of viewers obsessing about Jack, Kate and Sawyer?"

"Oh, they still do. In fact, people like Jack and Sawyer together," Boone said. "Sack, if you will."

"Sack? What the hell? What are-"

"Sack. Sawyer and Jack. Sack," Boone said.

"…This is screwed up. Does anyone even really LIKE slash?"

"People WRITE it. Apparently they do," Shannon said. "I think Sack's pretty hot."

"Don't you have my death to be watching?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, yeah," Shannon said, standing up. "I've watched up to The Brig already. I'm going to try to finish the season today."

"Have fun," Charlie said sarcastically. "Try not to cry during my death scene. You might want to hold it in so you don't worry the people surrounding you." He looked at her sincerely. "But let it out, Shannon. _Just let it out."_

Shannon made a face and quickly left.

"She's going to be ok," Charlie assured Boone.

"So tell me, Charlie," Boone said. "Are you Jate or Skate?"

"…Excuse me?"

"Do you like Jack and Kate or Kate and Sawyer?"

"…I like all three of them fine."

Boone sighed. "I mean, do you like Kate with Jack or Sawyer. As a couple."

"Oh…I like Jate."

"Oh, you're kidding," Boone spat. "Jate is a JOKE."

"Skate is only a relationship based on SEX. Jate is based on LOVE. Jate is _fate."_

"Come on! You can say Skate is fate, too!"

"The extra 'k' ruins how nicely it rolls off the tongue," Charlie said. "Jate is fate," he said smoothly.

"Well, you're DEAD."

"So're you."

"Eko!" Boone called. Eko appeared out of nowhere and walked up. "Jate or Skate?"

"…Well, what're you guys?" Eko asked nervously, hoping they'd both say the same thing so he could just agree with them.

Both Boone and Charlie said their preference at the same time.

"…I…uh…Skate."

"He only said that because he doesn't like me," Charlie pointed out, glaring at Eko.

"He doesn't even know me," Boone shrugged.

"Skate," Eko repeated. "I like skating. I don't know what…Jating…is. Is it some…British or American thing?"

Charlie stared at him a moment and then laughed. "Oh, no, Eko. We mean do you like Kate with Jack or Sawyer better?"

"Oh! Yes, I'm for Kate and Sawyer."

"Skate," Boone informed him.

Charlie frowned. "It's because he doesn't like me."

"No, I just like Sawyer," Eko said.

Boone and Charlie stared at him.

"…_with _Kate."

Charlie grinned at him. "Uh-huh."

"Did anyone tell you your nose looks like a cherry tomato?" Eko asked.

"Did anyone tell you your cornrows looked ridiculous?" Charlie countered.

"You can't comprehend basic phrases like 'Do you know how to open the hatch door?' Not EVERYTHING is a song. Sorry to tell you this."

"No one can understand your accent!"

"No one _likes _your accent."

"…I like his accent," Boone said quietly.

Charlie turned to Boone. "And you can't understand his, right?"

"He actually speaks very clear."

Charlie turned back to Eko. "You try to blow open _**BLAST DOORS**_ with dynamite. Why are they called _blast doors_? Oh, because they are BUILT TO STAND AGAINST BLASTS. That's right."

"You ran into a corner when the dynamite exploded."

"And singed the side of my face and my arm!"

"Who runs into a corner while being chased by massive flames? Charlie does."

"I could've DIED."

"Maybe it would've been better sooner than later. Because guess what: YOU'RE DEAD NOW."

"Shut _up," _Boone sighed, rubbing his temples. "Oh my _God. _Shut up and deal with it. You're both dead – Eko's hair is creepy and Charlie can't sing. _All right_."

Charlie's mouth dropped open slightly. "He never said I couldn't sing…"

"Yeah, I didn't say that," Eko confirmed.

**-LOST-**

* * *

_A/N: Ok, NEXT chapter Nikki and Paulo will show up. We'll see how that works out._

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Five

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: A couple people believe that I have betrayed them and didn't know the true meaning of PB&J. __**Imzad**__i was like 'Are you SURE? Really?' And __**SassyLostie **__was like 'Seriously?' Yes, I'm serious! At least, this is what I hear back on that Fuselage website that I used to visit all the time and post. It caught me off guard. I thought it was weird too, and a little mean towards my favorite ship. I came up with 'Chlaire' though. I remember using it on the Fuselage and someone saying 'Dude, it's CHAIRE.' That made me sad. I don't like naming them after something I sit in. And PB&J…Pregnant Broad and Junkie…I don't like that either. First of all, totally inaccurate. Secondly, when was jelly involved in the imaginary peanut butter scene? WHEN? How did the 'J' work its way into the ship name?_

_I'm quite displeased with the Charlie and Claire ship names. They all SUCK. Why can't they have a cool one like Jate or Skate or Sana or Shayid or Hubby? No. Chaire. Something that you put your ass in. I guess it's not that bad – you put your foot in a Skate. Charlie and Claire just need new names so they can have a cool ship name._

_Anyway, I didn't betray you – that is what the PB&J stands for. Shocking, annoying, inaccurate…I know. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore now that Charlie's DEAD. _

…_Even the Des and Claire shippers have a cool name! Daire! What the hell! And so do the Charlie and Ana shippers. Chana. Of course, that would be the same name if there was a Charlie and me ship. Haha. Except it would be Channah._

_ANYWAY. We're just getting carried away now. On with the story._

* * *

"You're an _amazing _singer, Charlie," Boone reassured Charlie about an hour later. Charlie would always seem to be fine with the statement his friend had made early, but he would keep on randomly exclaiming: 'I'm a great singer!' 

"No," Charlie pouted. "You said I wasn't. That's how you really _feel."_

Boone shook his head. "I bet everyone here thinks you're a really good singer." Boone turned to Eko. "Eko, isn't Charlie a good singer?"

Eko made a face and Boone gave him a pointed look.

"Ah…yes. Charlie is a very good singer," Eko said slowly, as if trying to grasp what he was saying. "…I…enjoy it."

Charlie didn't look very convinced. But Boone quickly moved him along to where Shannon sat, watching the very end of the Season 3 finale.

"…Oh…wow…" Shannon said as the credits rolled, obviously deeply moved by the events in the finale. "I can't believe they're getting rescued. That was a little LATE."

"Tell me about it," Charlie growled. "Right on the brink of being rescued. And I die."

"Shannon," Boone said. "Isn't Charlie a-"

"But Charlie, my God, no wonder you were the back-up vocalist in your band!"

Boone stood behind Charlie, waving his arms at Shannon and shaking his head urgently.

"…Because every knows that back-up singers really have the real voices! What do those leads think they're doing, singing all the songs?" Shannon added on, laughing nervously. "I mean, VERY clever of you to distract those Other chicks with the singing." She looked at Boone, who had relaxed and stopped waving his arms around. "But did you do that high-pitched squeal thing on purpose? Like…do you naturally sound like an-"

Boone's eyes widened.

"Like a Beatle! Like, uh, John Legend."

"Lennon."

"Him. You sound like him."

"Shannon," Charlie asked. "Do you even know who John Lennon _is_?"

"Of course!" Shannon exclaimed. "From The Beatles! Duh. He was the Peace activist guy…loved…uh…peace. And the trees. All his songs, you know…'All we are saying is give trees a chance' and the other one…the…uh…'Imagine.' You know…'Imagine all the people living life with the trees.' You sound like him. OH! And R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That other song he did."

"I'm just wondering something, Shannon," Charlie said.

"Yes?"

"Do you have an IQ of _two? _Can you honestly not make up a better lie? I mean, you tried to fool me and while doing so you insulted John bloody Lennon."

"…I…don't think you're a good singer."

"All right. Thank you for telling the truth. I think your legs are too long for some of the skirts you wear. And, uh, just because there're little travel-size bottles of shampoo on the island, DOES NOT mean you can just take them from people and use the whole sodding bottle."

Shannon shrugged.

"Just being honest," Charlie said.

"Um, Charlie?" Boone asked, jumping in. "Just because you're like…a musician doesn't mean you're more creative than the rest of us. I mean, just 'cause YOU'RE the tortured artist automatically makes it so other people can't huddle up with their guitar and suffer violent heroin withdrawals and be with the cute Australian girl. You make that impossible for the rest of us!"

Charlie stared at him. "Uh…Boone…there can only be one musician suffering violent heroin withdrawal and being with the cute Australian. That'd be a little weird if there were two characters exactly alike."

"I can play guitar!" Boone exclaimed. "But do they show it? No. Charlie plays guitar. Charlie's the musician. Charlie gets to stay alive until Season 3, everyone loves Charlie!"

"That's totally not true. They killed me off."

"At the end of Season 3! But no, I get killed off in the MIDDLE OF SEASON ONE. No one ever knew I could play guitar!"

"…No one would _care_. They didn't even care that I played."

"Yeah, but that was like, your signature thing! Sitting on the beach, playing your guitar and writing down lyrics, looking off into the sun-"

"Ok, Boone."

"Did anyone else get to do that? Nope. Some of us had to DIE before they had something that gave them character!"

Shannon rolled her eyes. "Boone, you did have stuff that gave you character."

"Like what?"

"...Like…getting punched. By Sawyer. And Charlie!" She exclaimed as if it were a good thing. "And getting killed by Locke." She looked at Boone. "See? Who else got to get killed by Locke? No one. Just you."

"Actually-" Charlie started.

"Hey, shut up," Shannon warned.

"I'm just saying that's not entirely true…Naomi-"

"Your shoes are ugly."

"…What?"

Shannon shrugged. "Aren't we still being honest with each other?"

"…I didn't think so."

"In the Season 2 finale," Eko said, everyone suddenly turning to look at him. "I really knew where the dynamite was. I just wanted Charlie to find it for me. So maybe there would be an accident. And he would explode. And die."

Charlie stared.

"…Just thought that'd be good to put out there while we're still being honest with one another."

"I only kept building the church because I thought it really WAS going to be a Starbucks," Charlie admitted.

"…What?"

"Remember when you asked me to help build? And I said 'Is it a Starbucks?' and you told me I would see later. Ok, usually when people respond like that, it means they got pissed off because you figured out their secret, and they want to keep pretending it's a secret by saying 'you'll see. You'll see.'"

"How would it be a Starbucks? We have no coffee."

"Uh, coffee beans. In the JUNGLE."

"Why were you so attached and dedicated to finishing it once you found out it was a church, then?"

"Because it looks good – to be building a church. People walk by and say 'What're you building there?' and you say 'oh, just a house of our Lord God.'"

"We lived on an ISLAND."

"But people still asked what we were building!"

"You never responded like that! I think once you said 'a Goddamn church, what the bloody hell do you THINK?'"

"Everyone was asking that day! It got exhausting to keep saying 'A church' … 'A church' … 'we're building a church.'"

"A 'Goddamn' church, according to you."

"…Yeah…about that…" Boone started. "Why did you waste your time building a church when you could've been doing more important things like having sympathy for the deceased? Or contributing to the plot of the show, by, you know, SOLVING ALL THE MYSTERIES so we don't have to wait six more seasons to figure out what the hell has been eating people since the first episode!"

"Yeah. It was a waste of time to be building a church," Charlie agreed. "Should've been building a Starbucks – they have Internet access! Wireless. Don't need a plug-in. See, the island had no plug-ins! It sodding _fits! _But would you build one? No."

"And I would magically be able to cause one of the shattered laptops from the crash to have wireless Internet access," Eko said sarcastically. "Just because we would call it a Starbucks and attempt to roast coffee beans doesn't magically give it all the qualities Starbucks _has_."

"Sayid could've made it work," Shannon pointed out.

"Sayid was too busy not being on the show the entire time," Boone pointed out, smirking. "He like, disappeared. And no one ever was like 'Hey! I feel like talking to Sayid. Lets go find Sayid.' Because if they tried to go out and find him, they'd probably find him trying to hang himself from a tree in his manic my-girlfriend-of-two-days-died depression."

Shannon glared.

Charlie looked slightly horrified. "Hey, that's so not funny."

**-Mini Flashback!-**

"Hey, Sayid, I was just coming to bring you some frui-"

Sayid stood up in a tree, a rope tied around his neck. The other end of the rope was tied tightly to a branch of the tree. Sayid was in a jumping position, but quickly straightened up when he saw Charlie.

Charlie stared at him a moment and then nervously looked behind him, pointing back towards the camp.

"Yeah, uh, I'm gonna go, so…"

"Bad timing," Sayid said.

"Um, do you want to come down…?"

"No."

"Well, um, ok…" Charlie shrugged. He set the tray of fruit down. "If you're hungry and you get tired of…hanging…yourself…here's some food."

"Thank you."

"Yeah. It's pretty good fruit. I took some off the plate. I hope you don't mind."

"No, that's ok. I probably won't be eating it anyway."

Charlie laughed. "Oh, right! 'Cause of the rope and the…" Charlie made a chocking noise and hanging gesture and laughed.

Sayid imitated the gesture in return and laughed along with him.

Charlie turned to go, but quickly turned on his heel back around to face Sayid. "Yeah. You should come down."

"Why?"

"…Because it hurts."

"Oh, all right, 'hanging expert.' Just because you get strung up from a tree _once_ doesn't mean you can go around talking about it like you know what it's like. Please."

"…But I do kn-"

"Charlie, calm down," Sayid yelled at him.

Charlie stared at him for a few moments and then shrugged. "All right. Fine! Whatever." He rolled his eyes and turned to go.

Sayid jumped. Charlie heard him fall and turned around quickly, ready to cut him down if he had to.

But Sayid sat at the base of the tree, looking around, confused. The rope had been too long. Only a shorter rope would've done the job correctly.

"…Weren't you in the Iraqi army?"

"Yes."

"Then shouldn't you know how to do stuff like that?"

Sayid said nothing.

**--**

"Was that one of those side stories that didn't make it because it was so irrelevant?" Boone asked.

"Yeah," Charlie answered.

"That seems important," Shannon complained. "I mean, it would show that he cared."

"They really wanted to fit in the pointless scenes with Jack and Ana that never went anywhere," Charlie explained.

"Yeah, what was up with that?" Boone asked. "Did she mistake Sawyer for Jack or something? One minute she's chatting up Jack, next scene she sees Sawyer and pounces him. Do they have the same eye color or something? They're both tall…"

"Well, she WAS checking me out. And I'm not tall like they are," Charlie said. "I think she's just a whore."

"No. She wasn't checking you out. You had a gun," Boone explained again.

"Hey, so did Sawyer. That's why she _slept with him."_

"…Maybe she just thinks guys with guns are hot?" Shannon offered.

"Or maybe she just resorted to yelling at Charlie for having a gun instead of sleeping with him like she did Sawyer," Boone said.

"That's exactly what she did," Eko pointed out.

"…She was checking me out," Charlie said defensively.

**-LOST-**

_A/N: I know, I know, I'm a terrible person. I keep promising you Nikki and Paulo will show up, and they never do. I really did mean for them to come in this chapter! Honestly! It's just this chapter got really lengthy, and everything I had the characters say branched off and added to more little stories like the Sayid thing and stuff. So it was like a domino effect, and by the time I was done with the domino-ness the chapter was too long. At least for just a funny flick._

_But my reviewers are so lovely! And they've given me great ideas, like bringing back the Pilot (Thanks __**Mrs. Peter Petrelli**__!) So next chapter, I plan to bring back many many more dead people. Like Scott/Steve…I can't remember which one is dead. Great. Anyone know? I don't feel like looking it up. And many more people! Remember how many people died in the Season 3 finale? My God. It was a sodding blood bath….of lots of people that SOOO did not deserve to die. Namely Charlie. And I liked Naomi too…I love my Brits. _

_Please review! Sorry for the Pikki thing. Again. Next chapter!_

_Of course you all have learned to not believe a thing I promise. _

…_I'm slightly afraid I'm going to get death threats if I complete this story. __**Charlies My Wonderwall **__(love the penname. Wonderwall is my favorite song. Oasis is absolutely stunning)__reviewed in all caps: 'UPDATE PLZ.' I really appreciate the 'please,' by the way. But soon people are just going to start reviewing with 'UPDATE' and the occasional 'I know where you are. I follow you wherever you drive' and stuff like that. But I hope you all understand that eventually this story will end. And if you don't, well…oh no. I'm in trouble. _

_But I will definitely continue to take more and more ideas from you guys and milk this story for all it's worth!_

**LeoChris: **Yes, I can assure you you're the only one that liked Pikki. …Just kidding. Kinda. I did like Paulo. I wish he didn't die. Nikki kinda got on my nerves, but Paulo at least slightly had retained his sanity and didn't throw paralyzing spiders on people.

**Falafel-fiction: **Hmm, we just might see some Others! Although they aren't entirely my favorites, a lot of them are in fact dead and thus would very nicely fit in with the story. I mean, they were cool until one of them killed Charlie. But what do you expect? Obviously they're going to be the ones that kill Charlie. Jack isn't going to randomly come up and shoot Charlie in the face just because he can. The Others have to do that. And I hate them for it. But oh well – you'll most definitely see them!

**Lostrocks11: **Woah. Definitely NEVER heard of Hurley and Locke as a slash couple. But people can come up with some weird things. I was shocked when I found Charlie and Sawyer slash. I was like…'ok, when was the last time those two actually TALKED to each other?'

**SkaterHaterSanaLover: **Thank you! Interesting penname. You obviously have some very strong feelings for your ships. I stay out of the whole Skate and Jate debate. I like them both. Most people freak out and have one side they STRONGLY stick to like it's a presidential election or something. I'm just like…'…I like Charlie…that's all. Jate and Skate are cool too.'

**Alix Zin: **Yes, PB&J stands for pregnant broad and junkie. Sigh. It's a little depressing. I wish they had a better ship name. But it's cool. Not like the writers ever cared anyway. Not like they gave them that name or anything…I just like having an excuse to say something mean about the writers.

**Dee Lee: **Oh yes. Don't we all love the Skate and Jate debate and all the time it takes up in every Lost-related thing ever? I mean, I can't even write a story about dead people without them coming up. I'll be writing for a random television show one day and I'll subconsciously start making two characters argue about it.

**Spice of Life: **Aw, thanks! I'm glad you think I rock hardcore. I like to pretend I do, especially with my bumper-sticker clad acoustic guitar. I can really rock out to those little folk songs and ballads because I'm too much of a hippie to play an electric or look up fast songs. But oh well. Yes, I'd love to see Charlie's face when he finds out people he gets paired with. If only Dom was going to still be around…they could do some parody. Oh, the fun and joy there would be if he was still around.

**Fanofcharlie: **Thanks! And why are you thanking me? I'm not going to hold the story hostage if my reviewers don't thank me profusely for writing it. I thank you for reviewing!

**Lostfan42: **Continue this story? Psht. Yeah right. :P Just kidding.

**Missing Whisper: **Hah! Sack and Jawyer. It IS oddly hot. So is Chesmond. I don't know why, it just kinda is. I'm going to stop talking now.

**xox-emily-xox: **Skate for life, huh? I love you people with your strong Jate or Skate opinions. It's interesting that you guys don't really fight too much about it, at least not that I've seen. When I heard about Daire (Desmond and Claire shippers) I nearly had a heart attack, even though Daire so obviously wasn't going to happen...just the thought of it and people supporting it sickened me. But I salute Jaters for keeping their sanity while Kate sleeps with everything and anything that moves, namely Sawyer. And I salute Skaters for dealing with the Jaters that say "Jate is TRUE LOVE" and stuff like that.

**Imzadi: **Yes. That is what PB&J stands for, I'm deeply sorry to say. I wish it didn't.

**moonhowler15: **...Yeah...about that Nikki and Paulo chapter...sorry!

**SassyLostie: **I think there should be more fan fiction read too! In fact, I'm going to tell the author she better add in more sometime. Ok, going to stop my attempts to be funny. And yeah...about the Nikki and Paulo chapter. No, it's not an on-going joke. I do plan to put them in next chapter if I don't get all ADD.

**Jemmz: **You like DriveShaft? Thank God. I thought the attitude towards them in the show was actually REAL.

_I thought it would be nice to add in some review responses. People seem to really like the story, and I always feel weird not personally responding to the praise. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Six

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, but I've been in driving school. And it SUCKED. Luckily I passed with an 88 percent so I'm done with that. Now I have to do what we here in Ohio call "on-roads" and then I can take my license test. I've also been touching in with my I'm-not-a-geeky-fanfiction-writer side and going to parties and shopping and such. But now I've returned to you. And I will not betray you. I love this story._

_In reality, I **am** a geeky-fanfiction-writer who just has the ability to dress her self and have a social life and can actually manage her semi-tamed crazy-wavy hair that likes to stick out in different directions when I wake up in the morning. Think slightly calmed down Evangeline Lilly hair. But yes. I do have a nerdy side!  
_

* * *

The Big Island in the Sky was very much like a real island. There was a beach, water, trees, and some sand too. Hence that it was called The Big ISLAND in the Sky. So it generally felt like they were still stranded, if they ignored the TV sets, DVD players, kitchens, and other appliances and electronics of daily life that appeared to your convenience. That was something the living Losties could use.

So it wasn't a shock when they saw someone down the beach playing an Xbox. However, who it was did shock them.

"I thought he WASN'T dead!" Charlie hissed as they watched through the bushes along the jungle treeline.

"So did I!" said Shannon, shrugging. "Apparently not. You should go talk to him."

"Yeah, I'm sure we could carry on a lovely conversation," Charlie said sarcastically. "'How's it going after you drowned me?' 'Oh, oh, it's good, you know. I'm just working on getting more hours from Benjamin. You know how low paychecks and be these days.' 'Oh, yeah, of course. I'm sure he'll give you a promotion.'"

Boone stared at him. "It's not like he can do anything to you…might as well make your peace."

Charlie growled slightly and stood up. "I thought he was supposed to go to the Big Island Under Ground…"

"…Yeah, I looked into that…" Shannon said hesitantly. "There kinda ISN'T one."

"…So we all come here?" Charlie asked nervously.

"Uh-huh."

"…Great." He walked over to where Mikhail sat, playing Xbox.

"Hey there, Mikhail!" Charlie said with fake cheeriness.

Mikhail gave a half-hearted wave, still staring intently at the screen, his thumbs moving around rapidly on the remote controller.

"What're you playing, mate?" Charlie asked, taking a seat next to him.

"Sims," Mikhail said shortly, never taking his eyes, or 'eye', rather, off the television.

"Oh, that's really cool," Charlie said. "I've never played it…but uh…I heard it's cool."

Mikhail started talking more now. "See the short blonde one with the black hoodie?" He asked, pointing to the screen.

The Sims was a game where you could create characters and have them interact with each other and do other daily things, like go to work and eat.

Charlie frowned. "Yeah, the one that you have built walls around?"

One of the cool things about The Sims was that you could make anyone you wanted, and if you despised them, you could slowly kill them. By building a room around them and providing no doors for escape or any food to eat – thus killing them.

"Yes," Mikhail answered. "That is you."

"Amazing…" Charlie said sighing. "I mean, I'm flattered that you took the time to make and destroy me as a video game character."

"It's my pleasure," said Mikhail, starting to laugh as the Grim Reaper appeared in the room Sim Charlie was in and killed him.

Charlie frowned. Mikhail grinned.

"I love this game."

"You know, usually when people play this game they keep The Sims _alive."_

"Oh. Well, that's boring."

"It's kind of pathetic that now that you can't actually kill people, you just do it on The Sims…"

"Hey, shut up!" Mikhail exclaimed. "It's completely unfair that we get stuck here together after I killed you! You don't know what that's like and how frustrating it is!"

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry that _you _have to deal with _me. _I mean, after EVERYTHING I've done to you, geez, no wonder you can't stand me," Charlie said sarcastically.

"I know," Mikhail huffed.

"I mean, we can only hope that THIS time I don't get tired up, beaten, and then locked in a flooding room. I'd hate to cause you anymore trouble."

Mikhail was catching on to his sarcasm. "Can we just be friends?"

"Excuse me?"

"Friends…you know…with the matching bracelets and the handshakes?"

Charlie stared at him, hoping to see in his expression that he was only joking. But he looked completely serious.

"Uh…sure? But maybe we should hold off on the bracelets and handshakes…"

Mikhail pointed at the several black bracelets on Charlie's wrist.

"Look. We could share those."

"No," Charlie said defensively, holding his wrist. "These are mine. But we can still be friends."

**--**

Shannon and Boone were walking down the beach, discussing fan theories.

"It's OBVIOUSLY purgatory," Shannon argued.

Boone sighed. "They've already dismissed that, Shan."

"Just to throw us off. They're sneaky bastards. They also said they'd never kill off Charlie, but look where he is now. _Killed off. _It's all a lie."

"Well, _I _still think it's all going on in Hurley's mind," Boone said. "I mean, wouldn't that be awesome?"

"They've dismissed that too," Shannon said, smirking.

"GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT."

Both Shannon and Boone jumped slightly and looked down the beach to see a dark Hispanic man and a short girl in jean shorts coming towards them.

"It's a government experiment!" she said again. "It's the only thing that makes sense. The Others are part of the FBI."

"That's the stupidest theory I've ever heard," Shannon said, rolling her eyes.

"Nikki doesn't even know what FBI stands for," Paulo said. "Ignore her."

"Federal Bystanders on Island. _Duh," _Nikki spat as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's all a cover-up, I'm telling you."

"A bystander is someone who watches an activity but isn't involved in it – like you were – and the Others, trust me, were NOT bystanders," Boone said. "They were involved. Very involved. With drowning people, kidnapping pregnant girls, blowing up escape rafts. Stuff like that."

"We were NOT bystanders!" Nikki argued. "We were VERY involved."

"Yeah, I did like your episode," Shannon said. "You know, SOOOO involved. Lying around paralyzed and getting buried alive. You deserve Emmys. The scene where you opened your eyes _once _really touched me."

Nikki's face turned purple and Paulo restrained her.

Boone grinned slightly. "Such a great way of getting killed off, to. Everyone should die during blind rages of throwing paralyzing spiders, instead of dying in ways that actually AFFECT THE STORYLINE."

Boone and Shannon looked at each other and grinned.

"Hey!" Paulo said defensively. "We affected the story line."

"I don't think anyone on the beach knew who you WERE," Shannon said. "Everyone was just like 'Hey. Time to dig a hole.'"

"It's like they've turned into island rituals," Boone added. "Everyone looks forward to the new month, because usually they're two deaths a month."

"It's turned into a new game, kind of a joke," Shannon continued. "Just go around the beach and ask 'So! Who gets killed next?' I won't be surprised if they work out a betting system."

"…You guys are jerks," Nikki finally said after she'd calmed down. "I don't understand how you were the stars and we weren't."

"Yeah," Paulo agreed. "Although we DID basically take your place since you both died. We were the new Shannon and Boone – the new pretty people."

"Um," Shannon said, raising a nicely plucked eyebrow. "Did you LOOK at everyone there? EVERYONE was hot. Kate was like, crazy brunette goddess on steroids, Jack was the stereotypical gorgeous surgeon, Sawyer was the rugged disturbed conman, Charlie was the hurt and tortured ruffled-hair rock star, Sun was the Asian who didn't like her marriage, Jin was the husband with the tanned eight-pack who thought everything was going fine…Locke was…uh…"

"Go on…" Said Nikki.

"Locke…he…"

"There!" Nikki exclaimed. "Not everyone was gorgeous."

"Locke is pretty on the inside!" Boone blurted out.

Everyone turned and looked at him.

"…One might say," he added on tentatively.

**--**

The pilot had been in hiding.

And it wasn't because he didn't want to be seen.

Ok, it was that, but it was also because he didn't want to confront the dead Losties. When you're dead and on the Other Side, it's impossible to be killed again. So he didn't have to worry about that. What he did have to worry about was the survivors' bitching.

But he saw Charlie, Liam, Eko, Shannon, Boone, Mikhail, Nikki and Paulo (he learned their names while he was in hiding) drinking very high-society wine. Nikki was pouring it and they were all laughing and having a good time. In fact, he was pretty sure Charlie and Mikhail clinked glasses.

Now, a pilot doesn't turn down alcohol. Especially ten minutes before he's scheduled to fly. A plane trip just isn't the same without turbulence that _shouldn't be happening. _For Flight 815, he had been sober, though. But now he could really use a drink.

"Hey," he said coolly as he approached the group. "Mind if I have a drink?"

"Who ARE you?" Nikki sneered.

"…That's the pilot!" Charlie exclaimed, standing up. "He's the one who crashed us!"

Everyone turned and glared.

"…Actually I don't think I need a drink."

**-LOST-**

* * *

_A/N: Sorry to leave you at a, hah, "cliff hanger" if you could call it that. But I wanted to get this chapter out because it's been a long time since I updated, and I get OCD about getting chapters out._

_Well, I'm being forced to see the new Harry Potter movie tonight. I don't know anything about it. I'm going to be lost. I've only seen the first one, never read the books. So yeah. People are catching me up though. Wish me luck._

* * *

**Imzadi: **Well, geez, sorry I could fulfill ALL of your demands. Just kidding. You did see Nikki and Paulo. Hooray! And you did see the pilot. But none of the other fifty dead people you wanted to see. Sorry! MAYBE I can fit Goodwin (Juliet's lover) in later. Maybe. If he fits. Thanks for the review!

**Blue Sunflower: **Aw, hi. I miss the Fuse too. It's just depressing now because all the people I talk to there have either left because of Charlie or mope because of Charlie. And I'm like "…Be happy again…?" I'm an optimist. I can't help it. Thanks so much for the review! Nice talking to you again!

**FebruarySong: **Who isn't ticked that Charlie died? Uh, communists. That's who. And The Others. Especially Ben. He got what he wanted. Someone should drown HIM. It's amazing Charlie didn't get electrocuted or anything, though. I mean, it was a _control room. _With, you know, electricity. He should've been electrocuted. I mean, I don't THINK he should've been. But it only makes sense. But they wanted to kill him slow and painfully, so that's cool too. Heh. Thanks for the review!

**Enelya Wood: **Aw, thanks for reviewing. I do that too…I like, read a lot and then on the fifteenth chapter I'm like "by the way, this rocks." But I stopped that. I review every chapter now if I like the story. I'm glad my story is making you laugh! That's what it's supposed to do, after all. I'd be worried if you reviewed with…"uh…wtf mate u suk." Luckily you use proper English and I don't have to yell at you! Thanks!

**Spice of Life: **…Oh. If I accidentally kill you will I be sued or arrested? Because it'd suck if they found you dead, face in the keyboard, with your spit everywhere and then saw my story on the screen, tracked me, and arrested me. Just be careful, and don't die from choking on your own spit. Please. Thanks!

**Moonhowler15: **I'm so glad not only the author notes make you laugh, but that the story does too! That's a good thing! And I hope it continues to make you laugh! Thanks!

**Lost-Inuyasha: **Ah, another person who thinks I'm funny and I have a good sense of humor. You're very mistaken. Two days later I'm going to read back on this chapter and be like "…Not funny. What were you thinking?" Trust me. It happens all the time! Thanks!!

**LeoChris: **Oh, man. Everyone keeps mentioning Artz and I'm like "Oh! Good idea!" and then I forget. But I won't! Next chapter! (Take that loosely, though.) Also, thanks for giving me all the names. Except I'm a bad fan who was too busy freaking out about Charlie in the finale to remember who all those Others were. Hah. But Bonnie and Greta! Yes! I HAVE to add them in! What was I thinking? I should be writing this down. But I'm not. I'll remember though! Thanks!

**Lostfan42: **Glad you liked the Boone complaining and the guitar scene thingy. And for the record, I don't think Charlie's shoes are ugly. I own those shoes. I paid forty dollars for those shoes, and fifty dollars for a pair like them with a British flag on it instead of the checkers. I freaking LOVE Vans. That's what they're called. Shannon would think they were ugly, though. Shannon probably only wears peach-colored little strappy heels or something. Any shoe that's not from Gucci or whatever is GROSS.

**SassyLostie: **AHHHH! YOU ALL EVERYBODY IS ON MY IPOD TOO! But I don't listen to it, like, ever. I just take pride in the fact that it's on there. And, yeah, Chlaire is really really hard to say. I've only typed it, never said it. So I was just whispering it to myself because I didn't want anyone to hear me. And geez, it IS hard. My tongue, like, rubs the roof of my mouth when I say it and then the tip of my tongue hits the back of my teeth…I don't know. But it's weird. It moves your tongue around too much. Ok! Done talking about my tongue. Thanks!

**4815162342 execute: **Hope you liked the Mikhail stuff! And good idea, about him randomly disappearing and stuff. I might have to add that in. And, by the way, write your story if you want! I don't care! Just don't' directly take stuff from me and I won't hurt you, promise. But yeah, you should write is as long as it's not like, very similar and I'd love to read it! Thanks!

**Avi17: **Oh, finally! Someone who has considered that this story might be garbage. I'm glad that you like it, though. And yes, reading the summary everyone should've been like "…Hey. This probably SUCKS." But I'm glad you found it to be hilarious. And yes, I'm very aware that everyone in the story is quite out of character, but it works for this story. And yes, I know I'm not too detailed. That's how it always is in my humor stories. If you read my more serious ones, which are more abundant than my funny ones, you'll see I do a much better job with descriptions, emotions, and keeping the characters in-character. But with humor, it's much more easier to be direct so you don't start a funny line and then finish it five paragraphs later. Glad you like it! Thanks!

**Missing Whisper: **Yeah, we were supposed to find out about the gay character. Didn't happen, at least not directly. Although Shannon made a comment to Boone when they were in Nikki and Paulo's flashbacks…Boone was talking to Paulo and she was like "Stop hitting on every guy you see" or something along those lines. And, oh yes, Chesmond is hot in it's own little weird disturbed way. And yeah, after the hand-on-glass scene you kinda start thinking "Maybe…maybe…" and then "No. Just no." But I guess it doesn't matter anymore because he's DEAD. And I like Charlie and Claire better. Chesmond's just a pure fantasy. Hot, but they wouldn't last long. Heh. The you're-gonna-die visions would be a huge turn-off, I think. Charlie would be like "Stop that or I'm sleeping on the couch tonight!"

**Xox-emily-xox: **Yes! Daire SCARES me. And yes, Charlie is NOT dead. Nope. We can be in denial together. Thanks!

**Jemmz: **Oh yes. Mikhail was in it. And I hope it was creepy. Actually, I didn't INTEND it to be creepy. But he is creepy. So yeah. Thanks for reviewing!

**Thanks EVERYONE!**

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Seven

CharliesHoodie

* * *

**-Mini Flashback!-**

"What is this, a family heirloom?" Hurley taunted.

"Hurley! I'm serious! Give it back!"

"Did your mummy give you this?" Hurley said in a high-pitched voice, dangling the ring in front of Charlie. Charlie reached for it and Hurley pulled it above his head, out of his reach.

Jack walked by and looked at them curiously.

"Is everything ok, you guys?"

"No! Hurley won't give me my ring!" Charlie yelled.

Hurley shook his head. "Jack, we're fine."

"All right," Jack said, smiling and walking off.

Charlie's mouth dropped open. "Am I sodding invisible?!"

"Practically," Hurley chuckled. "How tall are you? Four eleven?"

Charlie's face turned bright red and he clenched his fists at his sides. "I'm FIVE SEVEN."

Hurley shrugged. "Same thing. It'd be different if you were a chick."

"SHUT UP."

"Hey man, sorry…you know I love you."

"Well, you're FAT."

Hurley's mouth dropped open slightly. "Hey, I just told you that I loved you…"

"And you're still fat."

"And I still have your ring. And you're still four eleven."

Charlie bristled with anger. "Give me my ring!"

"Aw. Charlie wants his ring…what're you going to do, give it to your son or something?" Hurley continued on, laughing. He slipped the ring on his own finger. "It looks better on me."

"HURLEY."

Hurley sighed. "Fine, fine…" He was beginning to feel a little bad now. Maybe it _was _a family heirloom. He went to slip the ring off his finger.

It was stuck.

Hurley looked over at Charlie's shocked and angry face.

"…Oh no," Hurley muttered.

**--**

The pilot was tied to a swivel chair. He looked extremely upset.

"That wouldn't have happened if YOU hadn't crashed the plane!" Charlie exclaimed. "My ring wouldn't still have Hurley's _skin_ on it! You know how traumatizing that will be for Aaron when he wears it?!"

The pilot closed his eyes tightly and leaned back in the chair. "How is this my fault again?"

"You crashed the plane."

"Are you kidding me?!" the pilot exclaimed. "You're blaming me for a fat guy putting on your ring of size _negative two?"_

"I'm not that SMALL," Charlie exclaimed, kicking the wheels on the swivel chair threateningly. The pilot didn't even flinch.

"…Maybe we should be more upset about the plane crashing…?" Shannon offered. "And like, not have him tied up?"

"I couldn't agree more," the pilot growled.

"Aw, Shannon, I thought being tied up turned you on…" Nikki smirked. "Whore."

"…What'd I do to you?" Shannon asked. "And you're the slut! Sleeping with old men! Like, ew!"

"Uh, sleeping with your brother! Like, double ew!"

Charlie stared. "I really missed something? Why are you guys fighting?"

"Like, O-M-G, I don't think they, like, know," Boone said in a fake Valley Girl voice. He hoped it would make people laugh.

No one laughed.

No one thinks Boone is funny. To them, he'll always be the lifeguard that can't swim. And the lifeguard that couldn't perform CPR. Basically, the lifeguard that failed at life.

Boone recalled the first day they crashed, where every chance of him being respected was ruined.

**-Mini Flashback!-**

He needed a pen.

But he couldn't just stop with one pen (the doctor only needed one, after all). No, he needed MANY pens.

As he walked away from Jack, he reached in his pocket. Hah! He already had one!

He glanced back at Jack and the unconscious lady. Hey, she could wait.

Boone darted off and spotted a man lying on the ground, groaning in pain. Boone stood over him and squinted, resting his hands on his knees.

"DO YOU HAVE A PEN?!" he screamed over the loud engines. A part of the plane was hovering above them, crackling and ready to break off.

"NO!!" the man screamed back, looking up at the piece of wreckage, alarmed.

"YES YOU DO!!" Boone screamed. "YOU WERE SITTING NEXT TO ME AND YOU WERE WRITING SOMETHING DOWN IN A NOTEBOOK."

The man blinked up at him. "I'M MISSING A LEG."

"GIVE ME YOUR PEN!!"

"I DON'T HAVE A PEN!!"

"THE LID WAS DARK BLUE AND THE PEN PART WAS WHITE AND IT HAD 'OFFICE MAX' WRITTEN ON IT!!!!" Boone shrieked, scrunching up his face angrily.

"STOP THE BLEEDING!" the man pleaded. "AND PULL ME AWAY FROM THE WRECKAGE."

"NOT UNTIL YOU GVIE ME A PEN."

When the man only continued to groan and yell, Boone got bored and left.

Hours later, he returned to Jack, about five or so pens in his hand. He had taken these off dead bodies.

Jack took all the pens from him and took off the cap of each one, drawing a little line on his palm and staring at it, discontent.

"This is blue ink."

"…Ok…"

"I wanted _green _ink," Jack said, his eyes biting into Boone angrily.

"You never said-"

"Have you EVER had a doctor that writes his prescriptions in green ink?"

"No, I-"

"Exactly."

Jack gave him a nasty look and walked on.

**--**

Boone shuddered slightly at the memory and glared at the pilot. "You bastard."

The pilot groaned. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

Charlie took things into his own hands and slapped the pilot across the face.

The pilot hardly blinked. He stared up at Charlie.

"Hey, can you _not _do that? It's kind of annoying."

"…It didn't hurt?"

"No."

"…Oh."

"You know what we should do…" Eko said, excited. "Spin him around."

"That's stupid," Charlie said crossly.

"No, it'll make him sick!" Eko explained.

The pilot recoiled slightly, but as Eko went for his chair, he quickly said:

"I don't _get _sick."

Eko blinked. "How do you not get sick?"

"Only people who don't get sick can be pilots," the pilot explained. "Because if you get sick, you can't fly a plane…"

"…Oh…" Eko said, downcast. "Never mind…"

Everyone stared at the pilot, unsure of what to do with him. But Mikhail was always up for making people suffer.

"We should _drown _him."

Charlie stared. "That's actually not so fun…"

"You can't DIE here," the pilot pointed out.

"Yes, but we could still throw your chair in the ocean…" Mikhail said, now off in his own little world – a world that basically consisted of people that looked like Charlie. Drowning.

"But we need to make some adjustments first," Mikhail said.

**--**

"This is a little creepy…" Charlie whispered to Boone. He and the rest of the group were standing back a little, watching as Mikhail stood in front of the pilot, proudly grinning.

"See, look at him now," Mikhail said, presenting the pilot. He was wearing jeans, a DriveSHAFT t-shirt, a bright purple hoodie (Mikhail couldn't find a black one), checkered black and white vans, and his hair was dyed a dirty blonde.

Charlie sighed heavily. Mikhail looked overjoyed.

Charlie was about to ask why Mikhail didn't just throw _him _into the ocean but Mikhail cut him off.

"Are you guys ready?!" he asked, excited.

"You weren't even on the plane…" Paulo observed. "What've you got against this guy?"

"Uh, name one thing Mikhail doesn't have against the entire race of Homo sapiens," Charlie grunted.

Paulo considered this. "Yeah. You're right."

The group wheeled the pilot down in his swivel chair to the dock and out on the edge. The pilot was in a panic now.

"You guys are insane! You aren't really going to do this! There's no way!"

Charlie shrugged. "It's not like you're going to die. You're lucky."

"All right," Mikhail said. "In you go."

The pilot rolled his eyes as Mikhail pushed his chair forward and it rolled off the side of the dock. The chair twisted slightly, causing the pilot to hit his head against the edge of the wooden dock before sinking in the water.

Shannon cringed and Mikhail grinned.

"…You know that didn't kill him, right?" Boone asked.

Mikhail glared. "Shut up."

"Just saying…because that seems like your favorite past time. Killing things."

Charlie was staring down in the water. Then his eyes slightly widened and he backed away from the edge. "I'm, uh, gonna go back to the beach…"

"What's wrong?" Shannon asked.

Charlie looked at the water nervously and then up at Shannon. "NOTHING. What makes you think something's wrong?!" he ran off the dock and back onto the beach.

"…Ok," Shannon shrugged.

"Multiple personalities," Mikhail concluded.

**-LOST-**

* * *

_A/N: I hope that was funny for you guys! I don't know when to end this story. I'm thinking of just keeping it open so when I'm in the mood to write comedy I can, and just do it on my own time without the pressure to finish a story. Right now, I'm working on a more serious story that actually has an outline and chapters set. So I might just keep this one open and add more chapters when I feel like being funny. There's not really a set ending for this story anyway. So it can continue on and on and on…haha. Next chapter we'll probably see Mr. Ethan Rom and Goodwin will probably show up eventually._

**Myfanwy 14: **You're right. No one likes Ana Lucia except the occasional random freak who actually thinks she's a human being. (Although I will admit I felt sorry for her right before she died.) Maybe I'm not just much of a Tailie person, because I've been excluding Libby as well. I'll have to get them back involved, because I actually do like Libby a lot. And I probably will add in Goodwin. He would be easy to make fun of.

**Live Fast Die Never: **I'm happy you think my Author Notes are funny. I try! And your Sims thing…sounds a lot like Lost. People die, they cry a bit, and then it's like "What? Someone died? I could've SWORN I saw Boone walking around on the beach the other day!" And, since it's Lost, they probably DID see Boone walking around, standing in the surf, pointing at things creepily, giving me nightmares…it's almost pointless to kill people off, on Lost and the Sims alike. Because no one _cares. _Oh, and the mopey Charlie thing…that's ok. I moped too. A lot. I was like a bipolar girl with PMS that entire time. But I've gotten over it by writing this story and realizing the Big Island in the Sky is waaaay cooler than the Big Island in the Middle of the Pacific…aka NOWHERE. You know they were almost going to name the show 'Nowhere'? How lame would that be? Instead of 'LOST' coming up in the big bold white letters with the creepy music, it would be 'Nowhere.' And you know how they include the word 'lost' in EVERYTHING the characters say? Instead of them saying 'At that time in my life I was lost' it would be 'At that time in my life I was NOWEHRE.' That would be confusing.

**Imzadi: **Yes, they do get television on the Big Island in the Sky. And I've never watched Heroes so I have no idea what you're talking about. Sorry! Apollo Bars? DRIVESHAFT RECORD?! Yay. You're my hero!

**FebruarySong: **Yaaaaay shiny award! I'm getting lots of gifts today. And you're right about Mikhail. In the show, I highly doubt he's dead. He'll probably show up to Desmond and then Desmond will make him suffer. He'll chop off all his limbs and leave him to bleed to death, and then one day he'll just see Mikhail rolling down the beach with no arms and no legs, biting people's ankles or something. I hate Mikhail…why can't Charlie be that invincible? Charlie DID survive being hung. That was good. But I cured my Mikhail-hate by including him in this story and hanging out with Charlie. On my imaginary Island, they're totally BFFs. And about everyone being hot…it's outrageous. Especially Kate. "Ohh I'm Kate and I'm a fugitive! I can't decide on who to love. Jack, Sawyer, or the short guy with glasses. Or the other guy with glasses. Or the short guy without glasses. Boo hoo! Did I mention my mug shot picture is gorgeous?" _Mug shot pictures are never pretty!_

**Missing Whisper: **Yeah, everyone thought Tom was the gay character because of what he said to Kate. Maybe his type isn't crazy-chick-with-a-six-pack that could probably take him down with a flick of her wrist. Kate is scary. Yeah, uh, DAIRE SUCKS. I don't understand it either! Every time people come within eight inches from each other on the Island it's like "OH! OH! CLAIRE LOOKED AT LOCKE!! We shall call them 'Coke.'" It's like…is that the drug you were doing when you decided to give them a ship name? Please.

**Falafel-fiction: **Legendary? Pshhht. What happened to your story?! The one I'm hopelessly addicted to but can't remember the name of it…when Charlie doesn't know who Claire is? Where is that next chapter?! It has the very affect of Lost itself. You're killing me with the wait.

**For some reason there was no penname on this review, but you mentioned you wanted You All Everybody on your iPod and that you don't like Daire: **No idea who you are. For some reason there's no penname on the review…that's strange. But yes, if you have Limewire (and you kidnap music like me) you can download You All Everybody from there for free! I'm encouraging you to steal. Ahg.

**Moonhowler15: **Oh boy. I've had a Sims addiction to. And it was not good. I think I've gotten over it, though. I think. I freaking loved that game. And I'm guilty of making Charlie and Claire and putting them in a house together. Haha.

**Whats.her.bucket: **Haha thanks for the compliment! I try!

**Spice of life: **Yeah, Harry Potter was surprisingly good despite the fact I was SO confused. I don't think I'll ever read the books or watch the other movies, but for some reason my friends decided to force someone who had no clue about anything Harry Potter to go see the fifth movie…? It didn't make sense to me either.

**Alix Zin: **Oh, another Sims junkie. That's ok. Who DOESN'T play the Sims? And yes. Driving School almost made me shoot myself, which I think I could've achieved without a gun. It was that bad. Four hours. Six classes. That explains itself.

**Xox-emily-xox: **Whoa. That's scary…you're worse than I am when I kill my Sims. I never think of BURNING them. Wow. I don't even think Mikhail would think of that! Or maybe he would, considering he's a jerk andihatehimandihopeifhe'snotdeadsomeoneshootshiminthehead. Anyway!

**SassyLostie: **Yeah, I actually did start to listen to You All Everybody the other day. I put my songs on shuffle and it was the first one so I kinda danced a little to awesome guitar intro and listened to the first few 'verses' (which is: You All Everybody. You All Everybody. Acting Like You're Stupid People Wearing Expensive Clothes……….You All Everybody. You All Everybody…) That's the whole song. That's the chorus, the bridge, EVERYTHING. So after about five seconds I was like "Oh man. This is dorky." And started listening to The Beatles and pretending that NEVER happened.

**Jemmz: **Oh boy. I think you're like, the FIFTH reviewer who admitted to killing Sims. So you're not alone. I'm guilty of it too. They need to have a support group for it. It seems to be a chronic problem…not like the Sims' families even care of anything.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Big Island in the Sky**

Chapter Eight

CharliesHoodie

A/N: So, I pretty much hate the new layout for the pages. See how above the title they have'Ch.8' or something? I forget, but it lets you know what chapter it is…I always write in my chapters…I'm capable of doing that myself! But now the site manually puts it in for me. I like my chapter names to be UNDER the title, damn it! I'm going to continue to write in my 'Chapter Eight' anyway. Because knowing this site, they'll change their mind and take it off in five minutes. That wasn't an insult. Please don't ban me.

I love all the positive feedback, the suggestions, the death threats…it's all very sweet. And I've gotta say, I'm taking a suggestion from **LostBluePhantom. **Her idea made me laugh when I read it, so it won me over. So, be prepared. What Boone does in this chapter is totally her idea.

"It's been 6 days and we're all still waiting."

Shannon looked over at Boone curiously. The group was sitting by a fire at the beach, but Boone had stood up and was making an announcement at random.

Mikhail raised an eyebrow. "Waiting for…?"

"Waiting for someone to come."

"Oh Lord," Shannon groaned.

"But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out!" Boone continued, waving his arms in the air.

"Boone!" Charlie yelled. "I don't know where you've been, but we're not supposed to get rescued from here…"

"A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he tried to save her, and…" Boone stopped, looking confused. There hadn't been a woman that died. And no one had tried to save anyone.

"Never mind!" Boone said quickly. "…Now you're about to crucify him!" He pointed off in the direction that the pilot had sunk off the dock.

"We already did crucify him…" Charlie said slowly as if trying to make Boone understand.

"Boone has this thing about trying to be like Jack…" Shannon told the group as Boone tilted his head to the side, trying to remember the rest of the speech.

"Why?" Charlie asked.

"It's a long story."

"We can't do this. Everyman for himself is **not** going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here!"

"BOONE," Charlie yelled. "Shut up."

"You're not Jack!" Libby added in

'Jack wouldn't take this,' Boone thought. So he continued on with his speech.

"Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't want to go come then find another way to contribute!"

"BOONE. WE DON'T NEED WATER," Nikki hissed angrily.

Charlie twitched slightly at the mention of water and Shannon stared at him.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm FINE. My God, Shannon! CALM DOWN."

"Uh…" Shannon looked around, confused. "…M'kay…"

"Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And God knows how long we're going to be here!" Boone continued on over Shannon and Charlie's scuffle.

"BOOOOO," someone they didn't even know screamed as he or she walked by.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOOOOOOOOUUUUU," Boone screamed back, extending his 'you' like the person had with 'boo' as if to mock them.

"YOU DON'T HAVE JACK'S HAIRCUT AND YOU DON'T LOOK A THING LIKE HIM BECAUSE JACK IS HOT. And you could so NOT get Kate ever…" the voice rambled on endlessly as the person walked away before they were out of hearing distance.

"…That was weird…" Eko muttered.

Boone paused a moment. There was a long span of silence.

"So, uh, maybe we should find out who that was and-" Paulo began.

"But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone."

Paulo pulled out a burning stick from the fire and hurled it at Boone.

**--**

"His haircut looks terrible…" Nikki muttered to Shannon.

"YOU look terrible."

Nikki took a step back. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

They were all watching as Ana Lucia shaved the last bit of Boone's hair off to create a buzz cut. The burning stick that had been tossed at Boone had hit him in the head, catching his hair on fire. It was a good excuse to get it shaved. To look like Jack, of course.

Boone admired himself in the mirror. "I look like Jack, don't I?"

"No," everyone but Paulo said simontaneously. The group stared at Paulo curiously.

"I mean…" Paulo stammered. He looked around in a panic. "No."

Charlie shrugged and turned to Boone. "Why do you have a sudden infatuation with Jack anyway?"

Boone thought a moment, and recalled the day he decided he wanted to be just like Jack.

**-Mini Flashback!-**

"Thanks for saving my life. Twice," Boone muttered to Jack. It was the night Charlie had beaten him up for stealing water from his pregnant future almost-but-not-quite girlfriend. He probably should've just let her dehydrate and die. Seriously. It would've probably saved him the hassle of having to drown himself for her three months later.

"Twice?" Jack asked. He rolled his shoulders back and popped his neck, recovering from his big 'You're going to die if you beat up each other and steal from pregnant people' speech.

"Yeah…the one time this morning from drowning and just now from Charlie…"

"…Charlie wasn't going to kill you…" Jack said.

"Yeah he was."

"…No, he…actually wasn't. He just got carried away."

"Trying to kill me."

Jack looked flustered. "How is that guy going to kill you? Sing you to death? Find his guitar and hit you with it?"

"He could always just shoot me."

Jack rolled his eyes. "No one's going to shoot ANYONE here on my watch."

"…Sawyer already shot the Marshal…" Boone pointed out.

Jack waved his hands in dismissal. "That doesn't count. No one else is going to die, get shot, or anything."

"No one?"

"No one."

"Well, that's a relief," Boone said happily. "Thanks, Jack," he said admiringly.

"Hey, Boone?" Jack said as he walked off.

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you a life guard?"

"Uh-huh."

"Shouldn't you like…know how to save people from drowning…?"

Boone blushed. "Uh, not in water…I mean!" he looked around, flustered. "Not in the ocean! With the currents and the, uh…water…"

"…Oh…where did you work?"

"At a hotel…in their pool. I, uh, was the baby pool lifeguard."

"That explains it," Jack said with a forced smile. "Ok! I won't ask you to save anyone from drowning again, then. Or from anything else, for that matter."

"But I-"

"In fact, Boone, why don't you just stay away from people all together?"

Boone frowned. "You don't like me, Jack?" he could feel his respect for Jack slipping by the second.

Jack hesitated. "…No…of course I…like you. I just don't think you're fit to…uh…be around me. Ever."

The next morning, a chap named Arthur came over to Boone without his shirt on and looked at Boone nervously. "Do you have any sunblock, kid? I've got a terrible burn on my back."

Boone brightened slightly. This was his chance to shine – to impress Jack and earn the privilege to be around him again, which apparently was a hard thing to do. Every time someone other than Kate wanted to talk to him he would usually just scream and yell - pause - and then ask where Kate was. Unless they were bleeding. Then he would stitch them up and forget their name five minutes later. Once he had actually made a girl cry. He had stitched up her cut from the crash a day earlier, and when she passed him on the beach the next say and waved Jack had stopped, stared at her, and said 'Do I know you?'

"EVERYONE BACK AWAY," Boone suddenly screamed.

Arthur jumped slightly. Claire, frightened, lost her balance and toppled over. Hurley choked on a peanut from a bag he told everyone he didn't have. Charlie had been slicing fruit, and in a confused panic he stabbed himself in the hand.

"NOW GET DOWN ON YOUR STOMACH," he yelled at Arthur.

"I just need-"

"GET DOWN."

Arthur obediently got down on his stomach.

"CHARLIE," Boone yelled. Charlie walked over, dazed and cradling his hand.

"Why are you screaming?" he asked.

"GET ME SUNBLOCK."

Charlie furrowed his brow and looked around. "Can't you just get it yourself?"

"A DOCTOR DOESN'T LEAVE HIS PATIENT SUFFERING."

Charlie cringed. "Oh my God, you don't have to yell. And you're not a doctor…"

"…GET ME SUNBLOCK."

Charlie glared at him and stormed over to Sawyer's tent. "Sawyer, I need sunblock!"

Sawyer peered over at him. "What for?"

"For, uh, sunburn?"

"You don't have sunburn," Sawyer spat. "Look at you. You're from Ireland. You're freaking pale, Dublin. And the sun's not going to affect you at all. You're a freak."

Charlie blinked rapidly, taking in all the insults at once. "I'm, uh, from England…"

"Same thing. You don't need sunblock."

"It's for someone else…"

Boone could be heard screaming in the distance. "NO ONE CAN COME WITHIN EIGHT YARDS OF THIS MAN."

Sawyer looked in the direction of the screams and raised an eyebrow. "He's at it again?"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn it," Sawyer huffed. "Hang on." He went into his tent and fumbled around for the sunblock. He successfully found a bottle, but it was empty.

So he improvised. On the plane, Sawyer had ordered vanilla pudding from every flight attendant that had passed him and avoided paying for it the entire time, just for the thrill of stealing something. Now he got out all the lukewarm pudding and poured it into the suntan lotion bottle and handed it to Charlie.

"Here."

Charlie ran over to Boone with the sunblock bottle and threw it at him before going off to nurse his hand.

Boone poured out all the pudding onto Arthur's back and began to rub it in. People stood around, watching curiously and sniffing the air.

Arthur made a face. "Is this sunblock?"

"Of course it is."

"I don't think…"

"Are you doubting me?!"

Arthur hesitated. "…No."

Jack ran over. "Boone. What's going on?"

"I'm treating his sunburn, Dr. Shephard."

Jack paused and stared at him for a moment. "…Uh, ok." He smelled the air and frowned. "Um, Boone?"

"Yes Dr. Shephard?"

"Taste the suntan lotion."

Boone stopped rubbing the pudding in. "Excuse me Dr. Shephard?"

Jack twitched slightly. "Stop calling me that and taste the suntan lotion!"

In a confused frenzy, Boone licked his hand and blushed. "Charlie gave it to me!"

"Right."

"He did!"

"Ok, Boone, stop making up people."

"I'm not! Charlie's right over there…" he pointed over where Charlie was wrapping his hand in a bandage.

"HEY," Jack called over to him. Charlie walked over. "Is your name Charlie?"

Charlie paused. "…Jack, it's me-"

"Are you Charlie?"

"Yeah…"

Jack turned to Boone. "Nice one. You're so lucky his name is Charlie."

Charlie walked over, baffled. "Jack, it's Charlie. You know…the guy who went with you and Kate to the cockpit…?"

Jack's eye brightened up. "I need to go find Kate. Stay away from me, Brutus," he said to Boone. "Uh, bye…Chester?" he shrugged and walked off.

"…I know your name," Boone reassured Charlie.

Charlie still looked confused. "Thanks, Bruce," he said before walking away.

Boone sighed. His respect for Jack was still at its peak. However, he had a feeling no one would ever trust him to do ANYTHING ever again.

**--**

"BOONE," Charlie said again. "Why is Jack your chum now?"

"…We hit it off…" Boone lied.

"To the point of you reciting direct quotes from him and cutting your hair like his?" Ana Lucia asked skeptically.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Boone answered. "He taught me secret official doctor stuff too and trusted me with the lives of others."

"…Jack hated you," Shannon said.

"I hate you," Nikki muttered to Shannon.

"What is with you guys?" Libby asked. "Seriously. Calm down."

"If we can't live together we're going to die alone!" Boone yelled.

"Ok, newsflash," Ana Lucia growled. "You've got it backwards, man. We're already DEAD. And now we're living together."

Boone paused. "So…if we can't die alone we're not going to live together?"

"I guess that's how it works, yeah," Ana shrugged.

"…Raise your hand if you died alone!" Paulo exclaimed.

Boone, Eko and Shannon raised their hands.

Paulo and Nikki had died together, Mikhail and Charlie had died together, and Libby and Ana had died together.

"If you want to get technical about it, no one really died alone," Libby said, saving the day with her optimism. "Boone died when Jack was there, Eko died when Locke was there, and Shannon died when Sayid was there. See!"

"So really…" Charlie said. "Jack's theory was kind of wrong. Even though everyone on the Island kind of started getting along and we were 'living together'…we still died. And not alone."

"What a liar," Paulo muttered.

Boone said nothing. Jack was his hero.

Mikhail brightened slightly. "Hey! I'm not dead."

"What?!" Charlie exclaimed.

"I'm not dead!" Mikhail said cheerily. "I'm gonna go now, bye." He disappeared.

Everyone looked at each other nervously.

"…He never stays dead," Charlie explained with a shrug. "He, uh, he's pretty crazy."

**--**

Charlie was sitting at a table, staring at a full glass of water skeptically.

"…You, uh…should probably drink that," Shannon said shrugging. "Just an idea."

They were inside Shannon's beach house. The rest of the group was in her living room, listening to loud music, dancing, and drinking. Shannon raised an eyebrow at Charlie curiously.

"Why won't you drink it?"

Just then, a very drunk Eko came lumbering in the room and waving his arms about wildly.

"WE FOUND THE BEATLES CD," he exclaimed proudly, but also very loud. Shannon reached out to steady him as he stepped backwards.

"It's their Greatest Hits, with 'Eight Days A Week' on it!" Eko grinned. "'Ohhh I need your loving…" he sang. A pause. "Just like I need you!"

"That's not how it goes," Charlie growled, still staring at the glass.

"Hoold me, looove me, hold me, want me. Ohhh I need your loving, eight months a weeeEEEEK."

Shannon was busy laughing but trying to hide it.

"Eko," she said sternly. A giggle. "Stop singing."

Eko was busy dancing around the kitchen. He did a turn suddenly and ran right into the table Charlie was sitting at, knocking over the glass of water. The water quickly spread across the table and into Charlie's lap.

Charlie jumped up screaming. He began to flail around (still screaming) as he began to strip in the middle of Shannon's kitchen. Even this stopped Eko's drunken dancing. He blinked and then backed away from Charlie.

Charlie had successfully taken off all his clothes except for his boxers, but he was still screaming as loud and as high as he could as he grabbed a dishtowel and started wiping off every last water droplet from his legs. By this time, the entire group of deceased Losties had gathered at the kitchen doorway, watching with a mix of amusement and fear.

"Are you afraid of water?" Paulo chuckled.

"No!" Charlie exclaimed, leaning against a chair for support as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm fine!"

"He's scared of water," Libby concluded.

"No I'm not!" He sighed and went to Shannon's basement to put his clothes in the dryer.

Ana Lucia grinned and pulled a bucket used for mopping out from under the sink and began filling it with water. Shannon watched curiously.

"What're you doing?"

"We're going to find out if he's afraid of it or not," she explained, standing by the doorway with the bucket. They heard Charlie coming up the stairs.

"Shannon, I think there's a mouse down there. Either that, or someone's living in your-"

Ana threw the bucket of water at him.

Charlie stood there, drenched and eyes wide.

Ana tilted her head. "I guess he's not-"

Charlie let out an ear-piercing scream and then fell on the ground, rolling around there for a moment in swimming movements before stopping and closing his eyes.

Eko began laughing.

Shannon glared at Eko and then at Ana. "That's not funny you guys…"

Boone was busy hiding his bright red face in his hands.

"Oh, come on!" Shannon yelled at them. "So what, he doesn't like water! That's no reason to harass him…" She knelt down by Charlie and poked his shoulder hesitantly.

"Charlie? You're not dead."

Charlie raised his arm, crossed himself, and then let it fall back down dramatically.

Libby frowned. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Charlie!" Shannon tried again.

Charlie didn't move.

**-LOST-**

A/N: Well, seems Charlie has a terrible phobia of water. But who wouldn't, after drowning? Well, me. I almost drowned in a lake once, but I still swim! Charlie's special. But I still love him. I'm happy to say this is the longest BIITS chapter! 12 pages on my Word document! I just got carried away with the Boone Mini Flashback.

And you're so lucky I love you guys, because I'm always soooo close to discontinuing the review responses but then I remember how much I enjoy writing them. I never thought I would say this EVER during my 'career' as a Fanfiction writer, but there are just so many reviews for this story. But luckily my love for you wins over, even when the Devil part of my Shoulder Angels duo tells me to discontinue the responses. The Angel part wins over. (My Shoulder Angels aren't just REGULAR Shoulder Angels, though. Oh no. One's Mikhail and one's Charlie. Guess who is who?)

**Isabella Carter: **Thank you! I'm glad you liked 'Wonderwall,' too. That is my absolute favorite song EVER. And I really worked hard on that story just so it could do the song and Charlie justice. And yes, I definitely think I should be a script writer for Lost. I'd show them a thing or two about NOT KILLING OFF CHARLIE/magically bringing characters back to life.

**Moonhowler15: **Haha. Eko was always so serious and rigid and instead of saying "you're" or "what're" he'd say "You are" and "what are." I know he's Nigerian and has an accent and stuff, but c'mon. I love my Mr. Eko, but he has to loosen up a bit in this story. I love him in the show, though. Excuse me, LOVED. He's all serious and rigid but in a cool slick drug smuggler way.

**FebruarySong: **Well, Mikhail SO would bite people's ankles if he had no other way of destroying them. And hooray, another person who isn't ashamed to admit they have You All Everybody on their iPod!

**Alix Zin: **Oh, trust me, I know that pilots are allowed to get sick. My uncle used to be a pilot and he's the most shaky and jittery guy I know, probably. He also drinks and when he was younger he did drugs. Oh, I feel so safe when I fly now. And that's hilarious about the quiet computer lab thing. Don't feel too bad. I was working out at the gym. If you go to the gym, you know what it's like. People are sweating bullets and refusing to speak to anyone because they're these crazy exerciseaholics and if you show any joy you don't belong. Ok, well, when I work out I am one of those people. I take it very seriously. And I have my iPod on, which adds to the seriousness. And that's all fine and dandy…UNLESS YOU'RE LISTENING TO OB-LA-DI, OB-LA-DA. This song is hilarious. It's by The Beatles…and in the middle of the song there's this hysterical little chuckle that makes me laugh myself every time I listen to it. I forgot about it as I listened. And I cracked up. And no one knew why. It was terrible.

**BooneShannon4Evr: **Coake? That A makes no sense. Maybe for "Aaron'? Because people make the mistake of thinking Claire isn't a person unless she has Aaron. Next season, she's going to set Aaron down and try to talk to someone and they're just going to ignore her. She will be invisible.

**SassyLostie: **Ok, either Mikhail needs to be dead in Lost or he needs to be undead so Desmond can beat the sodding shit out of him. That would be amazing. Now I'm kinda hoping he's not dead just so Desmond can kill him. Maybe take him back to the beach and let people take turns making him SUFFER. …I really do hate Mikhail. That's why I'm trying to make him more likeable/funny in his story. For my own sake. He just….UUUUUGHHH. That's what I think of him. UUUUGGGH.

**Missing Whisper: **Yes. Evangeline Lilly is exceedingly lucky. But I don't think kissing Matt Fox would be all that great, personally. I just don't find him attractive when everyone else in the world does! I'm more attracted to scruffy artist types…hence the fascination with Charlie/Dominic. And while Josh Holloway/Sawyer isn't exactly the 'artist' type, he's still scruffy and adorable. So yes. Evangeline is very lucky.

**Live Fast Die Never: **Boone isn't that smart. I think we all just need to accept that. One pen would definitely do. Not five. He's very much the pretty-boy of the Losties. I mean, since it's Lost, all the other guys are pretty too, but he's still dumb while all the other guys are relatively smart and have a tortured back story. He's just the lifeguard that apparently can't swim or perform CPR. Oh, and he had sex with his stepsister. There's his tortured pretty-boy backstory. And yet I still love him.

**LeoChris: **I'm starting to feel sorry for the Sims. We all seem to like to kill them. And that'd be sweet if there was a real Big Island in the Sky in the show. But more serious, of course. And they wouldn't call it a 'big island in the sky.' And Eko would never get drunk. Yes, if they took my idea they'd so have to water it down to their whole Island drama thing they've got going. But people get in touch with the dead on Lost…you know, Locke in his tent when he talked to Boone…the dead ones are out there! CHARLIE IS STILL ALIVE.

**Xox-emiliy-xox: **Oh yes, I do plan on putting in some Ethan for the classic Ethan v. Charlie. I loved that. Until Ethan died. I liked Ethan better than Mikhal, though. MUCH better. Ethan gave Charlie a chance to survive and be revived by Jack's Magic Lips. And I guess Mikhail gave him a fair chance…Charlie could've ran out and closed the door BEHIND HIM. But did he? No. Now that I think about it, Mikhail wasn't that smart…anyone who didn't want to die could've escaped from the flooding thing. But since Charlie DID want to die…you know what, whatever? Mikhail's still a wanker.

**Jemmz: **Oh wow, that scared me. I saw Boone/Pen in your review and immediately thought: a Boone and Penny ship? PLEASE GOD NO. They don't even KNOW each other! But I'm ok now. It just frightened me for a second. First Coake, Daire, and now THIS? What would they call Boone and Penny? Benny? Bonny? (This could be pronounced either 'boney' or 'Bonnie'). And we're just going to stop now.

Poone?

**Jater92: **Haha, yes, gotta love the mini flashbacks!!

**LostBluePhantom: **I LOVED the idea of Boone imitating Jack, as you can see. I think that'll be a reoccurring theme for quite awhile. I'm glad you hate Daire. Me too. But how can you hate something that doesn't even EXIST? Ohhhh what now, Daire fans?

**Imzadi: **No, I've never watched Heroes! I'm sorry! But I know people who do and we get in Lost V. Heroes debates…even though I've never seen Heroes and they've never seen Lost. It's a never-ending fight. And the pilot…I do like the guy that plays the pilot. He sounds good for Heroes. You know the guy that plays him is good friends with J.J. Abrams? And that's how J.J. guarantees their friendship. Kills him off in the first episode. Oh, Hollywood.

**Falafel-fiction: **Yep yep, this story is posted on that board at the Fuse! I'm glad you're liking it. I didn't think it would be this easy to make fun of the characters, but it is. 95 percent of the time, Lost is all dramatic and serious and it's VERY easy to make fun of that. And the characters are always so uptight. (Unless they're Hurley, who's just funny all the time. Or Charlie, who has his cute little comic moments. Or Sawyer, who always cracks me up.) But the point is, everyone is always so rigid so it's fun to loosen them up. As for your story, I'm still waiting. I'm addicted! I hope the ending changed for the better. You'll have to tell us the other ending…or have a fifth installment with the alternate ending! That is what you should do. It's a very good story!

**Spice of Life: **I haven't played Sims in forever, but I'll probably laugh too!

**4815162342 execute: **Each time I type out your penname I get nervous. Just so you know. I'm afraid stuff is going to explode. And I didn't know you could DROWN Sims! That's amazing! Kind of. Of course, now I'm a very hostile person after the Charlie drowning scene. I'd probably cry after I drowned one of my Sims. My little brother has those weird body parts that you put in water and they grow and they're on our counter in little glasses filled with water…I saw them through the glass and immediately got sad. I felt like Desmond, except not male and Scottish and man-pretty. Oh boy. I love the lads with accents on that show.

**Due to so many of you asking to never end this story (ever) I put it to my committee and after much discussion they decided I should continue on with the story. Forever. They said it'll give me good business.**

**In reality, I was flattered by your reviews and decided on a whim to continue on. Like, I literally decided JUST NOW. But, however, I will be taking breaks to gather myself, just so you know. But I'll let you know ahead of time, right before those breaks.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Big Island in the Sky**  
Chapter Nine

CharliesHoodie

* * *

_A/N: Sorry this took a bit of time. I spent the night at a friend's house, and we went to Kings Island (a theme park thingy here in Ohio) for the entire day. We rode basically every ride, and The Beast (the world's longest wooden roller coaster!) gave me a huge bruise that looks like a tropical disease. No kidding. My whole right arm is one big bruise. Well, first it was scattered broken blood vessels…then it was a bruise. Well, needless to say, I was pretty sore._

_So, here you go!_

* * *

"I, uh, don't think he's going to move," Boone whispered.

They were all gathered around Charlie in the kitchen, waiting for him to move or show some signs of life.

But he didn't.

"We need to revive him," Boone said finally, getting up from where he had been sitting. "I can do CPR!"

"But he's not…" Libby shook her head, flustered. "He's not DEAD! Look, you can see him breathing!" She pointed at his chest.

Charlie's mouth twitched slightly and his lips closed. His chest stopped rising up and down.

"Oh, now look what you did!" Ana yelled at Libby. "Now he's holding his breath!"

"He has to breathe _sometime…" _Nikki said, baffled.

"Once I almost hit him with my stick…" Eko said, his voice slurring. "But I didn't mean it!" he buried his face in his hands and his shoulders shook.

Ana looked at Libby. Libby looked at Ana. Ana looked at Nikki.

"Hey," Nikki said. "He was on _your _side of the plane."

So now it was back to Ana and Libby looking at each other.

"I died first!' Ana shouted. "You're closer to him! You had more time to be with him!"

"But I-" Libby sighed. "Damn it!" She put an arm around Eko. "Hey, buddy," she said soothingly. "Charlie's gonna be all right. He's just being a little over dramatic, is all-"

Eko let out a loud, wailing sob and Libby cringed.

"Put him in the shower," Boone said in his most dignified voice. "A shower will cool him off. Showers get rid of the affects of alcohol…"

"You don't put drunk people in the shower!" Libby spat. "He'll _drown!"_

"He's not going to DIE. This is the Big Island in the Sky!"

"He still can't…he…" Libby frowned and then looked down at Charlie. "Hey, you're not DEAD. This is the Big Island in the Sky!"

"He's passed out is all…" Boone explained. "If I can just…" he leaned over Charlie, ready to press his lips against his. Charlie visibly cringed.

"No no no…" Paulo muttered, causing Boone to sit up and look over at him.

"What is it, Pablo?"

"…My name is Paulo."

Boone smiled. He was turning more like Jack by the second.

"Jack has the Magic Lips…" Paulo explained.

"…The what?" Shannon asked.

"The _Magic Lips!" _Paulo continued. "Ever notice how every time Jack gives someone CPR, they _don't die?"_

"That's also known as being certified under CPR and being a doctor," Libby said.

"…Like me," Boone said quietly to himself.

"Well, yeah," Paulo agreed with Libby. "But Jack ALWAYS saves people!"

"…Not me," Boone muttered.

"Or me," Libby said after some thought.

"Or me," said someone from the corner. They all turned and looked at Edward, the U.S. Marshal. He shrugged and walked off.

"Or me," Ana said.

"…You died before he even had time to help you," Libby said.

"…Well, I was just in shock!"

"Yeah, you weren't breathing," Libby said, an eyebrow raised.

"Well…just…Charlie's still not moving!"

All eyes went back on Charlie now.

"HEY! Oh my God, look! Someone's wearing a DriveSHAFT t-shirt!" Shannon yelled.

"You mean there's a person who actually likes Charlie's band?!" Ana said loudly, playing along.

Boone looked out the window where Shannon was pointing.

Charlie rolled over suddenly, hitting his head on the counter and then rolling back over on his back, holding his head and cursing. Shannon pulled him up on his feet, grinning.

"That's always fun."

"No one's wearing a DriveSHAFT shirt…" Boone said, standing on his tiptoes to look further outside.

**--**

"Oh, c'mon Charlie…" Shannon said. "We didn't mean it…"

Charlie was sitting on the couch in Shannon's living room, staring ahead and refusing to speak or look at anyone.

"It was just a joke!" Ana exclaimed. "We didn't mean it…"

"I know what'll cheer him up…" said Eko.

"He just needs some time to rest and recoup," Boone said. "Now, if he just goes upstairs, takes about eight pills of Midol, and-"

"PICTIONARY!" Eko cut Boone off.

Everyone groaned.

"No one _likes _Pictionary," Nikki muttered, examining her nails. "How would that cheer up Charlie anyway?"

"It wouldn't," Charlie muttered under his breath.

Nikki nodded. "He's a musician, not an artist."

"Cheer up, Charlieee…" Paulo started to sing under his breath.

Charlie looked up. "I'm an artist!"

"…You are?" Nikki asked.

"Yes!" He exclaimed. "A musical artist."

Nikki rolled her eyes. "I mean an _artist _artist."

"…Give me a smile…" Paulo continued, a little louder.

"A sketcher. Or a painter," Charlie corrected.

Nikki rolled her eyes. "Point is, he doesn't draw."

"Sometimes I do."

"What happened to the smile I used to know?!"

**Meanwhile, in the Looking Glass…**

Mikhail swam up through the moonpool, grinning as he pulled off his diving mask. He immediately saw Desmond sitting against the control room door, sniffing and wiping his eyes.

"…You're still here?" Mikhail asked, raising an eyebrow.

Desmond looked up. "Yeah. I-" he paused and frowned. "…Hey…" he said suspiciously.

"…I'm going to go now," Mikhail said, turning to dive back into the moonpool.

Desmond stood up. "Hey, uh, didn't I kill you?"

Mikhail shuffled his feet nervously and turned back around. "…Not quite…"

"You killed Charlie, didn't you?!"

"…He says 'hi'!" Mikhail exclaimed, catching Desmond off guard as he dove back into the moonpool.

**Back on the Big Island in the Sky**

"And that's how I ended up at the psych ward."

Charlie stared at Libby blankly.

"…That didn't cheer him up," Ana muttered.

Eko was still considering games that they could play. Paulo was standing in the front of the room, belting out the last words from his song.

"Cheer up, Charlie! Just be glad you're you!" he finished slowly with a dramatic crescendo.

Boone started to clap slowly. No one else joined in.

"Now, can anyone guess what song that was?" Paulo asked. Only Shannon and Charlie looked at him. Everyone else was busy completely ignoring Paulo.

"Uh…'Cheer up Charlie' from Willy Wonka," Charlie said, shrugging. "That one's easy."

Eko suddenly grinned. "That's the game we could play! Guess the Song!"

"That's a game?" Nikki asked doubtfully.

"…It could be a game," said Eko.

Charlie cringed slightly. He really didn't want to hear his friends butcher songs that he actually liked. "You know…I don't think I need to be cheered up anymore…"

"Well, the game still sounds like fun," Shannon said. Charlie sighed.

"Ok, who's first?" Charlie asked.

**--**

"…Happy Birthday…to…you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear…" Boone frowned and looked around the room. He saw a painting of the Mona Lisa. "Leonardo da Vinci…" he said quickly under his breath. "Happy Birthday to you."

"'Happy Birthday,'" a few unimpressed mumbles said.

"Good job!" Boone said, sitting back down, embarrassed.

Charlie got up next and sighed.

"She's the queen of all I've seen, and every song and city far and near…"

He looked at his friends. They looked confused.

"…Heaven help my mademoiselle, she rings the bell for all the world to hear!"

Still no guesses. Charlie frowned.

"Hey, Lyla!"

Everyone stared at him blankly.

"C'mon, this is easy!" Charlie said, sighing. "Don't tell me that no one knows this song."

Shannon shrugged.

"I'll give you a hint – the name of the song was in the lyrics I just sang."

"'Heaven'?" Paulo guessed.

"…No…and…" Charlie continued desperately. "The name of the song is actually a name."

"'Mademoiselle'!" Boone exclaimed.

"No!" Charlie cried, in shock. "'Lyla,' the song is called 'Lyla.' By Oasis."

"Didn't Johnny Depp play guitar on a couple of their tracks?" Nikki squealed.

"Yes," Charlie answered. "So you like Oasis?"

"I just know a lot about Johnny Depp."

Charlie sighed. "So…you guys don't know who's in the band? Or…any of their songs?"

"Ringo Starr's son is the drummer!" Eko, an avid Beatles fan, exclaimed.

"And can you tell me his name?" Charlie quizzed.

"…No…" Eko admitted. "I just like Ringo…"

Charlie sighed and sat down.

Shannon jumped up next. "Ok, Charlie's not allowed to guess this one."

"…Why not?" Charlie asked.

"Because you know it."

Charlie sighed as if to say: 'what song DON'T I know?'

Shannon cleared her throat. "IIIIIII…I love the colorful clothes she wears…"

Charlie's eyes widened.

"And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair…"

Charlie looked around nervously, hoping someone would just guess the song.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII," Shannon belted, extremely out of tune. "Hear the sound of a gentle word. On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air…"

Charlie covered his ears.

"I'm pickin' up Good Vibrations…"

**Meanwhile, on the Island…**

Mikhail was running down the beach, a raged Desmond chasing him. Both had swum up from the Looking Glass and onto the beach. Mikhail suddenly began to cough and hack as he bent over and rested his hands on his knees. Desmond collapsed next to him, wheezing.

"I'm a smoker," Mikhail coughed. "I can't…run!"

"Oh, well, I'm an alcoholic!" Desmond gasped, sitting up.

"Does that…even…affect your…breathing? Or running?" Mikhail asked, wheezing and spitting something that looked like tar out of his mouth.

Desmond shrugged. "They say it does…but they keep…keep doing more research."

"Oh…" Mikhail stumbled to his feet and pulled out a cigar. "Excuse me." He paused when he noticed the cigar was soaked from his swim. "Oh."

Desmond suddenly lunged at him and tackled him to the ground. "You killed Charlie!" he gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

Mikhail tried to roll away. "No! No I didn't!" he exclaimed.

Apparently people don't kill people, water does.

"Then who did?!" Desmond yelled.

"If I drowned your friend, wouldn't I be dead too from the explosion it took to break through the glass?!"

"…Yes…you would…" Desmond observed, getting off of Mikhail. Desmond didn't grasp the fact that Mikhail had survived an electric fence that was set to destroy anything that passed through it, Jin's amazing Korean ways, Locke's beatings, a hit from a crossbow to the chest, and most likely being dropped on the head and taking a tumble down the stairs to the point of insanity as an infant. Of _COURSE_ he could survive a petty underwater grenade that he was holding in his hand as it exploded.

"See?" Mikhail said. "Wasn't me."

Desmond sighed. "Sorry I attacked you…but…you're still kind of a jerk. I mean, killing those two girls like that-"

"You know what you need?" Mikhail cut him off, putting an arm around Desmond's shoulders. "A drink."

**-LOST-**

_A/N: Next chapter, what happens when Mikhail and Desmond get drunk? We already know how Des is when he's intoxicated. Hah. That's happened, what, about seven times already? I love Desmond!_

_Don't worry – I'm not drifting away from my dead Losties by going over to the Island where all those boring alive people are. We won't be there long. _

_  
And, next chapter, the dead Losties continue their little music game. I believe Charlie will eventually get fed up when his friends don't know a thing about those classic, amazing bands and teach them a thing or two about music. But I won't drag the music thing out too long, because that could get old and annoying. BUT, remember when Charlie was saying that something was in Shannon's basement before Ana tried to drown him? We'll find out more about that!_

_And, the review responses!_

**Moonhowler15: **I won't discontinue the review responses. I like talking to you guys too much! And I hope you didn't hurt yourself when you choked on your water…or spat it out…or whatever resulted from that. Thanks!

**Live Fast Die Never: **No worries, we're on the same boat! I know what I'm going to do with Joanna! And she will show up…eventually! Hah. Not sure when, but soon. Sometime along with Ethan…who still has yet to make an appearance although he seems to be in high demand. Thanks!

**SassyLostie: **Oh, I love camping! Hope you had fun! And yes, sooo many people got shot. That was the point of Jack saying that…because Jack is a liar. It's like…every episode someone was either threatened with a gun or shot with a gun. Guns are everywhere in that show. It takes away from the whole Island authentic experience or whatever you want to call it…but I guess we would have no Losties if they had no guns, because they've definitely kept a few people alive. And kept a few people, well, dead. And, I love the Nikki and Shannon idea! Thanks!

**Imzadi: **Don't worry, Drowned Woman will show up! Her name is Joanna, by the way! It's apparently becoming a trend to drown in Lost. Remember the Charlotte chick from the Eko flashbacks? She drowned but came back to life. She was Claire's psychic's (Richard Malkin's) daughter. Yeah. It's a trend. But so far only three people have jumped on the bandwagon. Joanna, Charlotte, and Charlie. That's how I look at it now – and it's cool to have my favorite character die the "cool" and "unusual" way that only two other not-so-major characters have died from. Yep. Who are the other main characters that have died from drowning? That's right. It's just Charlie.

**LostBluePhantom: **I'm pretty sure the ditzy girls will have some blonde moments, so no worries! Nikki isn't blonde; you're right…but for some reason she just seems like it, doesn't she? And Clock? Oh boy. That's frightening. Charlie and Locke…oh my. How about Locke and Jack? Jock(e). Or Lack. Or Sawyer and Locke. Lawyer! YES! Socke…or SOCK. Yet another clothing or footwear item! (Jacket, Skate…) We could go on and on with ship names…Desmond and Locke…Dock(e). Lesmond. Haha…I'm having too much fun.

**Spice of Life: **Wow, congrats! You're the first reviewer to actually proclaim that you _love me. _I love you too!

**BooneShannon4evr: **Trust me, the Boonebashing wasn't in bad taste. I love Boone and Shannon too! That's why most of the last chapter had to do with him. He's just so fun!

**Hobbits on the island: **Hmmm, I might have Boone haunt Jack. That'd be funny! I dunno about killing him, though. I'd rather just stick with the characters that are actually dead. Jack can stay alive. All the COOL people are dead.

**FebruarySong: **No worries, the review responses are staying. And I'm so glad you like the story!

**Jater 92: **I'm glad you like it! And yes, Charlie has a water phobia. Poor Charlie.

**Xox-emily-xox: **Oh, trust me, Matthew Fox is not remotely sexy. I agree. I don't like the clean-cut look, period. And I like Josh, too. But I'm completely in love with Dominic Monaghan…if you couldn't tell. And Ian (Or Boone) is soooo much cuter! I sooo agree! Finally, someone else who hasn't jumped on the Matt-Is-Hot bandwagon thingy. Scruffy guys are amazing.

**Jemmz: **Yeah, you don't have to point out anything! Just knowing you thought it was funny is enough!! Thanks!

**Missing Whisper: **Question about your penname – is that a Lost reference? Are you the whisper in the jungle that gives out all the Lost answers, and thus is missing? Just wondering. Haha. And yes, Eko is Beatles fan!

**Alix Zin: **Thanks for sending me the PM explaining the rest of your review! Lol. That made a lot more sense! And I find it funny that you wanted to hug Charlie AFTER he stripped down! That makes two of us. Although if I was a character on Lost, I'd be hugging him all the time. He'd be like "Hey, have the water bottles been filled up?" and I'd be like "…-hug-" and he'd be like "Hey, who _are _you?" It would be love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Big Island in the Sky**

Chapter Ten

CharliesHoodie

_A/N: I hope you guys appreciate me, because I had to go through the script of Catch-22 (the episode, not the book. A book does not have a script) to find the lyrics to the song Desmond sings when he's drunk. And while doing that, I had to look through all the quotes of Charlie freaking out about Desmond's visions and Desmond not telling him about his visions and stuff. (That was the episode where Charlie got an "arrow in the neck…of his guitar!" as Creepy Podcast Guy put it.) So yes, it was very painful to get those twenty-four words. Enjoy!_

_P.S. Charlie's not dead. He just enjoys very long swims. Like a whale. And Michael's coming back to the show…blech. They get rid of a good character and bring back one who's in the MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. Smart. _

_And I've come to a new point in the getting-over-Charlie thing that's never ever gonna happen. I've decided if the writers felt bad and magically gave Charlie gills (this would be ANOTHER Island mystery) and he survived, I wouldn't complain. I would be gracious. So I'm willing for Lost to become crazy alien-gills show in order to save Charlie. But soon the gills would have to go away, because that's just not attractive. And then people would forget, and it'd be another unsolved Lost mystery._

_I still feel like suing, though. I want the last three years of my life back, pronto! Sadly, I still have an emotional attachment to Lost and continue writing and writing and writing. It's going to be weird to start watching it again, though. All my hostility towards those writers will resurface. Unlike Charlie. Charlie won't resurface. (Unless he has gills!)_

_So Cuse, Lindelof…if you're reading this…GIVE CHARLIE MAGICAL ALIEN GILLS._

_Anyway…as I was saying…enjoy the story!_

**  
On the Island…**

"Well it's a grand old team to play for! And it's a grand old team to see! And if you know your history, it's – hey! You you you!"

Mikhail looked up, sipping his wine. Desmond was tumbling towards him, half of his drink falling out of the bottle. Mikhail wasn't the least bit drunk, but Desmond definitely was.

"Yes?" Mikhail asked.

"Y-you…you need to get your act together!"

Mikhail raised an eyebrow.

Desmond shrugged. "Dr. Phil says that a lot…"

Mikhail sipped his wine slowly as Desmond took another gulp from his bottle. Desmond stared at Mikhail for a moment, making him nervous.

"You haven't had much to drink, have you, brother?"

Mikhail sighed. "Well, no. I'm not drunk."

Desmond frowned and put down his bottle. "Why aren't you drinking with me, mate?"

"Because, well, I…uh…need to be the…designated driver," Mikhail muttered under his breath.

Desmond didn't hear him. "I wonder who killed Charlie…"

Mikhail shifted nervously. Desmond turned and got really close to his face, peering at him "Are you _sure _ it wasn't you?"

Mikhail grabbed his own bottle of wine and handed Desmond his.

"Instead of thinking about who killed Charlie, lets drink!"

**Meanwhile, on the Big Island in the Sky…**

Shannon lowered her voice and began singing the bridge of 'Good Vibrations' in a slight whisper.

"Gotta keep these lovin' good vibrations a happenin' with her…GOOOTTTTTTA keep these lovin' good vibrations a happenin' with her…"

Charlie cringed. Everyone else was staring at her blankly, hardly even trying to guess the song.

"Gotta keep these lovin' good vibrations a happenin' with her…"

Charlie frowned. "Shannon, no one-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Good, good, GOOOOOD, good vibrations!" Shannon pointed at Charlie.

Charlie sighed. "Oom bop bop…"

Shannon finished the song, pointing at Charlie each time she needed the backup, which he supplied in a monotone. Shannon then started the very long ending.

"Na na na na NAAAA na na na! Na na na na NAAA na na na!"

"SHANNON," Charlie exploded. "Stop singing!"

Shannon shrugged. "Fine. I don't like that part anyway." She threw her hands up in the air. "So, who knows the song?"

"The title is only repeated about two hundred times…" Charlie muttered under his breath.

"You aren't allowed to guess," Shannon reminded him.

Charlie stared at his friends hopelessly. "Come on, you guys…"

"I can sing it again!" Shannon offered.

Charlie stared at her coldly. She shrugged.

"It was Good Vibrations."

Everyone turned to look at the doorway that lead into the basement. Everyone stared. The man waved slightly.

"STEVE!" Charlie exclaimed.

"SCOTT!" Shannon squealed.

"JOHNNY!" Eko bellowed.

Everyone paused for a moment and looked around nervously.

"Wait," Charlie said. "Are you Scott or Steve?" He paused. "Or Johnny?"

"He's Johnny," Eko muttered.

"I'm…uh…Scott," Scott said. "The dead one. You don't remember me?"

There was a lengthy, awkward pause.

"Of COURSE we remember you!" Libby exclaimed, hugging him.

Scott looked around nervously. "I don't remember you…" he said to Libby.

Libby realized she didn't remember – or know – Scott either. "Oh, shit. Never mind."

"…Of COURSE we remember you!" Charlie exclaimed, opening his arms and embracing Scott. "What've you been doing?"

"Oh, you know, this…" he gestured around the living room and shrugged.

"Living in my _basement?" _ Shannon asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, no! Of course not. I wouldn't even imagi – yes." He blushed.

"Steve has a crush…" Libby sang in a high-pitched wail.

Scott glared at her slightly. Charlie glanced at Libby nervously.

_"Scott."_

"Steve, Scott, Sebastian, whatever," Libby muttered.

"I prefer Scott…" Scott said.

Shannon scrunched up her nose. "Well, I think you should stop living in my basement and find your own house."

"Real estate is brutal around here…" Scott said.

"I mean, how do you NOT notice a five-foot-twelve guy living in your basement?" Charlie asked Shannon. "Didn't you ever do, like, laundry?"

"You only notice him because you're five-foot-seven and everyone looms above you…" Shannon informed him. Charlie glared. "And I have a maid that did my laundry. I haven't been down in the basement all year."

"So that's why the maid quit…" Boone observed.

"She's not a very accepting person!" Scott exclaimed.

Shannon rolled her eyes. "She was kinda fat anyway. Not good for my image."

Everyone else got the mental image of a short, overweight maid trying to tie her apron on and gasping for breath, but Boone gasped at Shannon's comment.

"What?!" Shannon exclaimed. "She weighed one-hundred and sixty pounds!"

"She was _six feet tall!"_

"One-hundred and sixty is a lot of weight," Shannon barked.

"Yeah, if you're _not_ a giant!" Boone said, astounded.

"Yeah, Shannon, how tall are you?" Charlie prodded.

"Five-foot-nine."

"That's pretty tall…" Charlie observed. "What do _you _weigh? 140? 145?"

Shannon's eyes widened in horror. "_135!"_

Nikki shrugged. "At least she's not like Barbie. They say Barbie is 5'9", and with her body, she'd be about 110 pounds."

Paulo cocked his head curiously. "Now much do you weigh?" he asked Nikki.

"95."

Tears of frustration formed in Shannon's eyes. Everyone noticed.

"Hey, Shannon…" Charlie soothed. "It's only because she's about four feet tall…"

Nikki glared at the back of his head. "And how much do you weigh, Mr. Five-foot-seven?"

Charlie blushed. "It doesn't really matter…"

"Well, now that we're on the topic…" Nikki insisted.

"130," Charlie muttered.

Shannon ran away wailing.

Nikki rolled her eyes. "What a drama queen."

Scott was standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. "So, I guess I should go…"

"No! You should stay!" Libby offered. "We could use some more company."

"…No we couldn't," Boone said. "Do you know how many people are dead?"

"I've lost count," Libby admitted.

"Exactly."

Libby shrugged. "But Steve should stay. He seems kind of fun. You're fun, right Steve?"

"Scott."

"Scott," Libby corrected herself. "Scott, Scott, Scott."

Scott turned to Charlie. "So, I've been keeping up with the show. Is Mikhail dead? Is he here?"

"Well, he was here for awhile…now he's not," Charlie answered.

"Gottcha," Scott nodded. "That must have been nice and awkward."

"Not really," Charlie said. "We were actually kind of friends." He looked down at his wrist. "Although he did steal one of my bracelets while I was asleep."

"That's kind of funny…because I'm friends with the guy who killed me, too."

Charlie's eyes widened. "You mean…Ethan?"

"Yeah, he's actually pretty cool when he can't murder or abduct anyone."

"You mean…THE Ethan?"

"The Ethan that hung you and killed me, yes, THAT Ethan."

"…The Ethan or That Ethan?"

"Charlie, I'm pretty sure we're talking about the same person…"

"I hate that bastard," Charlie muttered. "Where is he?"

"He's been living in Shannon's basement too…I just didn't want to tell her that." Scott stuck his head in the doorway to the basement. "Ethan!"

A very alive looking Ethan came up the steps. He seemed friendly enough – he smiled at everyone. Everyone smiled back and waved nervously. But when his eyes fell on Charlie he glared at him steadily.

_"You."_

Charlie pretended not to notice or hear him. He was looking off to the side, playing with his ear lobe and humming.

"…You," Ethan tried again, but it didn't have the same effect as the first time.

Charlie jerked his head to look at Ethan and then grinned nervously. "Oh, hey! I was wondering when you would show up."

"And what are YOU doing here? You obviously have some immortality in that twelve-year-old body of yours, so how the hell are you dead?"

Charlie took a moment to absorb the insult, but still had a clearly confused expression on his face. "Um…Mikhail killed me."

"Psht," Ethan spat. "If you can survive getting hung, you can survive whatever that amateur did to you."

"He, uh, drowned me…"

"Swim, then!"

"…in a closed water tight room where the only escape was a hole about the size of my head."

Ethan frowned. "How did HE kill you and I didn't?!"

"Christ, Ethan, just use water the next time you want to kill someone just use water and stop bitching about it! And your method of-" Charlie said this in a very high pitched voice to mock Ethan "'-I'll kill everyone one by one!' didn't work!"

Scott glared at Charlie.

"Is Canada nice?" Boone asked Ethan out of nowhere.

"…He wasn't really from Canada, Boone," Charlie explained.

"But he said he was!"

"You see, sometimes people _lie," _ Charlie explained. "And Ethan, is, in fact, a liar."

Charlie glared at Ethan and left the room.

Ethan looked at Boone. "Well, I've _ been _to Canada." There was a pause. "It's all right."

**On the Island…**

"You know what we should do, brother?" Desmond asked. "_Swim."_

Mikhail was now completely drunk. He grinned and took another swing and tossed the empty bottle in the sand. He jumped up to his feet, staggering slightly.

Desmond stood up clumsily as he stripped down. It was completely dark now, and the stars were out. "You go on in. I'm gonna be right behind you!"

Mikhail immediately ran in the water, singing at the top of his lungs. "THE PHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE…INSIDE MY MIIIIIND."

Mikhail swum deeper in the water and floated as he looked back at the beach, waiting for Desmond. Since it was dark, he couldn't exactly see him.

"SING ONCE AGAIN WITH ME OUR STRANGE DUET," Mikhail screamed at the shore in Desmond's direction. "MY POWER OVER YOU GROWS STRONGER YET."

There was no answer. Mikhail frowned and bobbed there in the water for a while.

On the beach, Desmond was lying in the sand on his back, looking up at the stars and singing 'Catch A Falling Star' to himself and leaving out a word here and there. He then rolled over on his stomach and lied face down in the sand before passing out like that.

**The next morning…**

"Desmond…dude…"

Desmond felt a sharp poke in his ribs and he rolled back over on his back. Hurley was standing above him, a stick in his hand and staring down at his friend.

"Hello…" Desmond muttered, standing up and staring out at the ocean as he rubbed his head. "Oh, no! MIKHAIL!" he yelled out at the waves.

Hurley stared at him. "Mikhail as in crazy German dude with one eye?"

"_Russian," _ Desmond corrected snappishly. "MIKHAIL!"

"Hey, where's Charlie?" Hurley asked.

"Charlie drow-" Desmond's eyes widened. "Oh no…"

"What?!" Hurley exclaimed, confused. "What happened to Charlie?"

Desmond stepped back away from Hurley. "Stay away from me, Hugo!"

"Why?!"

"Because everyone that comes near me drowns! Charlie…and Claire almost drowned! And now Mikhail!"

Hurley looked around nervously. "Desmond, dude, this is all in your head. Charlie's a great swimmer…probably. I'm sure he made it out of the water. You know, he, uh, caught a fish once! Yeah. He's a good swimmer. And Mikhail…I mean…I dunno about him. African-Americans supposedly aren't good swimmers…"

"Charlie was stuck in a room and Mikhail is RUSSIAN, Hugo, RUSSIAN."

Hurley took a step towards Desmond. "Dude, just chill…I'm sure they're fine…"

"You're gonna drown, Hugo! RUN."

Hurley closed his eyes briefly to collect himself. "Des, are you drunk? I'm sure you're all totally imagining this."

Desmond backed up in the water and started splashing Hurley. "Go! Run!"

Water went in Hurley's nose and mouth and he started sneezing and coughing.

Desmond's eyes widened crazily. "You're drowning!"

Hurley shook his head and sneezed again. "I'm going back to the camp, dude. I'm sure Charlie is there by now and Mikhail is off doing…crazy things. Bye, Des."

**On The Big Island in the Sky…**

"Don't. Say. Anything."

Mikhail glared at the group of Losties steadily. A smile twitched on Charlie's lips. Mikhail stared at him and Charlie frowned thoughtfully again.

"So, let me get this straight…" he snickered slightly. "You got drunk with Desmond, swam out into the ocean while intoxicated, passed out, and _drowned?"_

"While singing 'Phantom of the Opera'?" Boone asked.

"Yes. For the sixth time, yes, that is what happened! I drowned, ok!"

"Join the club," Charlie grinned. "Isn't it great? That feeling of water filling up your lungs…"

"Shut _up."_

"It's definitely one of my favorite past times."

Mikhail glared at Ethan. "Why are we dead because of him? Why?"

"Actually, this time it was your own fault," Charlie corrected Mikhail.

"Well, THIS time it was your boyfriend's fault so I'm blaming it on you, too!" Mikhail exclaimed.

"Desmond is NOT my boyfriend! Those stories _lie." _

Scott was sitting in a corner, looking bored and picking at his fingers. Eko approached him.

"Hello Johnny," Eko greeted him, sitting down with him.

Scott yawned. "Hello Nigerian man. Can I call you 'Nigel' for short?"

"Yes. You can."

They watched absently as Charlie danced around the room, singing 'Karma Police' and making sure to get right in Mikhail's face.

"Well, Johnny, welcome to the Big Island in the Sky," Eko said dramatically.

They sat in complete silence for a while until Scott turned back to Eko.

"…I've been here longer than you, Nigel."

**-LOST-**

_A/N: So, sorry this took about, hm, ten years to publish. I've been dealing with stuff. Like hanging out with friends, jogging, working out, and having a very "Claire" situation. There's this guy that's like pretty cool. He's taller than me (impossible to find. I'm five-foot-nine – Shannon's height! Or, Maggie Grace's, rather.) Anyway, he's six-foot. Longish hair. And we totally have the same interests. But he's kinda a druggie. So I feel like Claire. Except much taller with no baby or Australian accent. And I think getting him off drugs _**_won'_**_t be so romantic, because there's no bald guy to steal them from him. Sigh. (And we're not on an island! Wtf??) Anyway, I don't date druggies. Unfortunately, a baggie of cocaine comes with every musician. It's like a combo – boy, guitar, cocaine. _

_Anyway! I had the trippiest Lost dream EVER that I thought I'd share with you. Here goes._

_So, I'm watching ABC. And there're commercials, and they announce that they're doing a Lost re-cap. Like, you know…when they have those episodes with the narrator with a weird accent and he's like "These people, all strangers, all with dark pasts and with strikingly good looks for average everyday people…all try to survive together! But they're NOT everyday people. They are…Lost." Du du du duuu. And maybe they'll add in that weird thing where they're all dancing around the beach (the UK promo) and they're like "One of us is a fugitive. A conman. A junkie." And then poor Jack is like "A DOCTOR" but they make it all dramatic. It's like…aren't you ALL murderers by now? There is not a single person on that show who hasn't killed someone. Geez Kate, shouldn't you be busy curling your hair with that magic Island curling iron of yours and painting on your freckles? And where is Shannon? Putting on her face?_

_Anyway…the recap wasn't like that at all! (So yes…the above paragraph was totally pointless.)_

_It shows someone on the set, and they show that the set of Lost is on a stage….? It's so weird. And they show these, like, cheetahs or something running around the hills and rocks on the Island, and they have snow machines going off…so the Cheetahs, on the LOST ISLAND are running in SNOW. And then they let loose a boar or a gazelle or…something and the Cheetahs attack and kill it. This is all filming for Lost…in the snow…on a tropical island…(Let me just say this again: the Lost crew was filming a scene of a cheetah in the _**_snow_**_ killing an animal.)_

_Then it cuts to Carlton Cuse, who is facing the camera. He's talking about how amazing watching the cheetahs kill that…thing is. And then he starts thinking about how the boar or gazelle or antelope died and Cuse starts SOBBING at the camera, saying something sappy like "It's just so hard to think about, you know?"_

_I'm just like…DUDE. That's the lamest recap EVER! So, what, we can expect snow and cheetahs for season four and Carlton Cuse sobbing about the death of an antelope? Please. Where are the characters? What're they doing? Did you give Charlie gills? Thanks for the recap. I'm intrigued. _

**IMPORTANTE, CHICAS Y CHICOS: ** That means "Important, girls and boys" for those of you who aren't aware that the Spanish language is taking over the United States. Anyway, I'm going to be **taking a break ** from this story, as school is starting soon. The break will NOT be long. I just need time to settle back in to the school schedule and enjoy my final weeks of freedom before Junior year starts. Anyhow, no worries. I definitely wanted to get in Ethan and Scott for you guys…especially Ethan. So many people wanted him to show up, and thus he did! I'll talk to you guys soon!

**Jemmz: ** Well, my arm is better. Since I'm a vegetarian and I have limited sources of protein, my body doesn't exactly heal right. And theme parks aren't bad! Go to them! Go to Kings Island!! Just don't have to get your arm amputated…

**xox-emily-xox: ** See, Evangeline is my favorite actress. I love her. However, she has my Dominic. And, well, I just love him more than she does. Seriously. I probably do. Does she have an entire wall dedicated to him? I didn't think so. Does she have his action figure? No. Does she have his picture in a frame? Maybe…but I do too! Has she had sex with him? Probably! But I haven't. …….Anyway. I've never played real Pictionary. But it sounds dreadful. My friends and I played it with an Ouija Board once…we called it spirit pictionary. And the spirit was pretty smart. It guessed everything without even having to look at the drawing. Creeeepy.

**Lost-Inuyasha: ** Well, Eko's never been drunk on the show…however, he seems like he would be a fun drunk.

**Lostrocks11: ** Oh, another Pictionary hater! Play it with an Ouija Board spirit…it takes a whole new spin to it. Although Ouija boards freak me out now.

**Alix Zin: ** Yaaaaay Oasis fan! Lyla is a great song. I like the music video for it a lot.

**Moonhowler15: ** Well, there you go! We went back to the alive Losties, as boring and stupid as they are. They think that they're so cool that they're alive…psht.

**Jater92: ** I will check out your account eventually! And don't worry; the dead Losties are going to remain very much "alive." It is called Big Island in the Sky, after all. Not Big Island in the Ocean Where All of the Alive People Are. No. This story is about dead people! But I couldn't resist adding in the Hurley and Desmond thing.

**4815162342 execute: ** Once again, every time I type in your penname I always expect a plane to come crashing through my window or something. Paulo and Boone will probably be great buddies!

**Imzadi: ** There's a similar story? I demand a link! I want to read this 'similar story.' And yes, the Air Marshal, Mr. Edward Mars, is quite smart. That's why he DIED early on…to save himself from the other Losties. You know, I think they only made Kate a fugitive so they could have a Marshal on the show for, like, two episodes, have him die, and then have guns! That's the only reason they have Kate. So they can have guns. And maybe Ethan will get in a Tom Cruise fight!

**Charlies my Wonderwall: ** LOVE your penname. And your ideas aren't stupid! A water-free party would be funny! And the Boone idea is great, too. By the way, Wonderwall is MY theme song! Well, it's Charlie's too. I guess it's more his than mine. But it's still my favorite song. Which is why Dominic Monaghan and I belong together.

**SassyLostie: ** Your family sounds so cool! When I recommended playing Lost with my friend Kait, she was just like 'ooook there crazy girl.' I told her we could convince everyone on the beach we were in a plane crash. And that we could steal a baby! And she could be Claire and I could be Charlie and I could run around with our stolen baby yelling things like "I HAVE TO PROTECT HIM" and fun stuff like that. But she wasn't up for it. I'm curious – who were you in your little Lost game?

**FebruarySong: ** The island-disease bruise is gone. Anyway, I was very happy to see Desmond come back at the end of season two, too. I love my Dezzy. Until the whole Charlie-you're-gonna-die-brotha thing. But I still love him to death. He's a sweetie. He and Charlie **_ARE_** an awesome team. (Sorry, my denial kicked in.)

**Live Fast Die Never: ** Yeah, Lost is like…**drama drama drama tragedy drama drama drama omg sawyer or jack drama hurley said something funny tragedy drama drama drama sawyer or jack!** Sigh. Sawyer and Jack need to die! Well, not Sawyer. Or Jack, for that matter. Well, Kate just needs to PICK someone so we can be OVER the Skate and Jate war and go back to what's important…like bringing Charlie back to life!

**Falafel-fiction: ** Ok, so, I LOVE the idea of Charlie haunting the living Losties. That would be brilliant. And Artz! Of course Artz will be coming soon! As will Joanna, so she can join their little drowning club.

**LostBluePhantom: ** Ahhhg there're so many dead people on Lost! You're right…I need Locke's dad and Jack's dad and Yemi and the guy who lived down the street from Michael when he was twelve…too many people! Oh, and I also need both of the Tom's. Tom as in Mr. Friendly and Kate's Tom. Sigh.

**Missing Whisper: ** Oh, the reason why Libs is in the psych ward will never be explained! The writers always say they will. Liars.

**Spice Of Life: ** Every time I hear Good Vibrations I DO cry…inside. And it's such a little happy song, too. But it killed Charlie! Killed him! I was in Coldstone, getting ice cream, and it started playing there. I was like "Oh, damn it! Shut up." My ice cream lady looked really scared. And it also played in Kings Island when I was there…I was singing along with it and my friend is like "Hannah! Move on!"

**Angel of Music Lover: **I got this review right after I added in the other ones, so you're lucky I love a stranger enough to go out of my way and include you! I like your screen name...that must mean you like Phantom of the Opera. Great musical! And you're not alone...I get sad when I see Charlie's name on stuff too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Big Island In The Sky**  
Chapter Eleven

A/N: I know. I know. Please no yelling at me. Please no death threats. I'm sorry I abandoned this story. Thanks to the people who went out of their way to message me and be like "Dude. Big Island In The Sky. Now." Things have just been crazy but now I'm all settled in and my brain is now advanced to the point where I can multitask.

This is just going to start in a kind of random place, so I hope that doesn't freak you out too much. I attempted to go back and read my older chapters.

Enjoy!

* * *

Charlie was sitting at Shannon's computer. He was on his e-mail account, shuffling through old e-mails that people had sent him over the years.

dude u r an idiot every1 knows musicians die in plane crashes lolz.

-John

why are you so short and your brother is so tall??

-Carrie

Btw does your brother have an e-mail address?

-Carrie

Why won't you reply to any of my e-mails?

-Carrie

You must want people to talk to you if you have a public myspace.

-Carrie

Are you lonely?

-Carrie

I don't understand why you won't talk to me when you're so desperate.

-Carrie

U can't reply to me cause u died in a crash haha

-John

I mean who does driveshaft think they are? Oasis or something? U suck.

-John

I have a house and you don't!

-Liam

On your myspace survey you said you were sad…why?

-Carrie

Yeah uh Charlie? I'm gonna need the keys to my car back…you just need to…you know…get your own car.

-Patrick

I didn't mean that…apartments have their advantages too. Like you can't fit a family in an apartment. Which is always a good thing. Right?

-Liam

I was being serious. Like you stealing my car was funny for a while haha

But then you started driving it.

And telling people it was yours.

-Patrick

Oh god that last e-mail came out wrong didn't it?

I meant…an apartment is good for you.

Because you don't have a family.

I mean who wants to have a house when you're alone?

-Liam

Charlie…when you give me my keys you have to give me my car too.

And I'm going to need the copies of the keys that you made.

-Patrick

Maybe I just shouldn't say anything anymore.

-Liam

Charlie deleted all his e-mails and sat back in the chair, sighing.

Suddenly, Mikhail came bounding into the office, slamming the door behind him. Charlie turned around in his chair and raised his eyebrows.

"Even though being locked in a room with you brings back many pleasant memories, I'd rather you leave me alone…"

"Doesn't being locked in a room with a computer make you want to sing Good Vibrations?"

"…Not especially."

"…IIII love the colorful clothes she wears…"

"Actually, it'd be awesome if you'd stop."

"…And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair…"

"Mikhail…no…"

"AAHHH…hear the sound of the-"

He was cut off as Charlie grabbed a pencil lying on the desk, hurling it at him. The pointed end hit Mikhail's good eye, and he stumbled back, screaming in pain.

"Oh my God!" Charlie cried, jumping up out of his chair. "I'm sorry! I didn't…I…"

Mikhail growled and reached for Charlie blindly. Charlie quickly ducked out of the room and ran into the living room where Eko was sitting on the couch, watching Titanic with a box of tissues in his lap.

"It's ok, Rose…" he whimpered. "You'll never let go…" He paused in horror when he saw Charlie racing out of the office, Mikhail chasing him with a pencil lodged in his eye.

"It's not what it looks like!" Eko exclaimed, switching off the TV.

Charlie jumped onto the couch and hid behind Eko. Mikhail ran into a wall. He felt his way along the wall and grabbed a curtain, thinking it was Charlie, and jerking it down and screaming at it.

* * *

"And then I said 'how about I take out your other eye. Would you respect that?'" Charlie grinned and pointed at Mikhail, who was now wearing black aviator sunglasses and sitting across the room from Charlie. He growled under his breath and picked up a paperweight from the card table, hurling it in the direction of Charlie's voice. It missed him by a couple feet and hit Boone instead.

"Wow Charlie. Great story," Shannon yawned. "Maybe it would've been more effective if you had taken out his other eye while you were both still alive."

"Or if he hadn't done it at all…" Mikhail offered.

Charlie grinned and sat back in the couch, quite proud of himself. "Karma's not kind, is it, Mikhail?"

Mikhail growled and stood up, stumbling towards the bathroom. "I'm going to go flush out my eye socket before it gets infected."

* * *

"Are you ready for your first vision?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your first vision! Duh," Shannon said, rolling her eyes. "All the dead characters get one."

Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Isn't it a bit soon?"

"Considering it's the episode right after your death, yeah, it is. But people like you or something like that. Here…"

Shannon fitted Charlie with a black leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses. She tilted her head, observing his hair before taking a pair of scissors to it.

"Wait, what are you doing?!" Charlie exclaimed, trying to shield his head. Shannon stabbed his hand away with the scissors, causing him to draw away and hiss in pain. She finished cutting his hair as he stood still, sulking.

"There. Done. This is going to be awesome! Now go!"

* * *

"Dude…the sunglasses…not working for you…"

Charlie frowned and pulled off his sunglasses, glaring at Hurley. "Well, thanks. I come back to comfort you upon my death and this is what I get."

Hurley shrugged. "The outfit…Charlie…what is wrong with you?" He paused. "Wait! Are you from the future!? Dude…"

"No!" Charlie exclaimed. "I'm sure this look is just to throw you off and make you think this actually means something. I think you're supposed to go jump in the water now…" Charlie said, pointing.

"When I get rescued, I'm going to be free…" Hurley smiled.

Charlie winced. "…Actually…rescue might be harder to obtain than it seems, mate."

Hurley frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know…what Desmond said…it's not Penny's boat."

"…Wha?"

"Desmond didn't tell you?!"

"Dude, Desmond psycho. When he came back up from the station, he was just bitching about stuff and then he got drunk…"

Charlie frowned and stormed into the camp on the beach. He spotted Desmond's tent and went inside, flailing his arms around madly.

"Desmond! You didn't warn them!"

Desmond got one look at Charlie and his eyes widened. "What're you here to do…haunt me? This whole mysterious spiritual guide thing is getting old…go away."

"No! I'm here to yell at you about not telling them about the boat!"

Desmond frowned. "What're you talking about, brother?"

"Not…Penny's…boat…" Charlie said slowly, emphasizing each word.

Desmond shrugged.

Charlie grabbed Desmond's wrist and shoved his palm against his own. "Seem familiar?!"

A grin broke out on Desmond's face. "Oh! The high-five!"

"…The high-five…"

"Yeah! It didn't really work with the glass in the way, but-"

"Des! I was not giving you a high-five!"

"…But…but…you were like 'yay, I'm dying…go fate! Give me a high-five'…"

"Actually, it was more like 'you better bloody tell them this or I died for nothing and you're all screwed.'"

Desmond peered at him curiously. "Now what do I need to tell them?"

"That Penny isn't the one coming for you guys!"

"You know, Charlie, maybe if you'd bothered to put an apostrophe between the 'y' and the 's' in her name I would've taken you a little more seriously."

"…I was about to die."

"I don't think you're taking this situation very seriously."

"_I'm_not taking the situation seriously! Damn it, Desmond!" Charlie raced out of the tent.

"You guys! The people that are coming aren't safe! You have to do something about it now!"

People on the beach walked past him and talked absently with each other. Charlie groaned and his arms fell to his sides, realizing that no one else could probably see or hear him. He spotted Claire over by her crib with Aaron. She pulled his ring out of the cradle and frowned at it slightly.

"What the hell is this?" she distastefully flicked it away.

Charlie frowned and turned back to Desmond, who was walking out of his tent. "Des, no one is listening to me…"

"Oh, Charlie…" he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. "It's just like old times."

* * *

"Uh…Des? I don't think I'm going to be sent back to the Big Island In The Sky unless you tell them about Penny's boat…"

He and Desmond were sitting on the beach, staring out at the ocean absently. Charlie turned to look at him. "Des?"

Desmond blinked over at him. "Why are you wearing a leather jacket?"

"…I don't know."

Desmond shrugged and looked away. "It doesn't really flatter your figure."

Charlie frowned. "Do you ever wonder how it came to this? You know…what were Damon and Carlton thinking when they killed me? Is it going to amount to anything?"

Desmond rested a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "They're smart men, Charlie. I'm sure they have something in store for you."

**Somewhere in the darkest pits of hell (where the writers belong, of course)…**

"You brought the outline?"

"Yes."

"Lets see it."

Damon is wearing aviator sunglasses and a dark suit. You can't see his expression, but he seems stiff and serious as he hands a piece of paper to Carlton. Carlton looks down at the paper and nods approvingly.

"You want to talk about it?" Damon asks.

They sit down at a desk in a dimmed room.

"This is the plan," Damon begins. "We reintroduce the love triangle. Except we're going to shake it up a bit and throw the smoke monster into the mix. This'll make it especially hard for Jack and Sawyer to get to Kate. Especially with the smoke monster being over protective. Ok? We're going for a King Kong and Ann story, King Kong and Ann…speaking of Smokey, he's going to erase everyone's memory so they forget about Charlie…that way we don't have to deal with _that. _Because that means we'll have to show people mourn a death…and we don't want to break tradition."

"What about the random pointless side story?" Carlton asks.

"Desmond will begin to question if he should call people he is not so close to 'cousin.' He will also befriend a snail on the beach and start to see flashes of this snail's death. He will become distraught and go out of his way to save this snail. He will see a flash of Jin preparing the snail as a snack, and he will kill Jin."

"He'll kill Jin?"

"He'll kill Jin."

"Ok."

"And the snail will live. We don't wanna kill the snail…the fans would be angry."

Carlton nods approvingly and Damon slaps his hand on the desk, determined.

"Lets do this."

* * *

"Desmond, I _really, really, really _think you should tell someone about the boat…"

"I'm telling you, Charlie…don't worry about it."

Charlie growled under his breath. What was wrong with Desmond, anyway? Charlie wished he could blackmail Desmond or do _something _to get him to warn everyone. And then he got an idea.

"Dessy? You want to go for a walk?"

Desmond shrugged and stood up, following Charlie out into the woods. Charlie led the way and Desmond followed behind, singing loudly.

"Desssmond has his barrow in the market place. Molllly is the singer in a band. Dessssmond says to Molly 'girl I like your face' and Molly says this as she takes him by the hand…" Desmond snorted. "That's my name…"

Charlie suddenly turned around and charged towards Desmond, screaming and flailing his arms. He tackled Desmond down, and Desmond pulled away, eyes wide.

"What're you doing?!"

"That tree just tried to kill you!"

Desmond frowned and Charlie winced, fearing that Desmond would see through his stupid plan and laugh at him. But instead, he asked:

"Which one?!"

Charlie blinked and looked around. "…Well, all of them!"

Desmond scrambled to his feet and ran out of the jungle. Charlie followed him out.

"You see, I've been having these flashes…"

Desmond turned back around to face him. "What kind of flashes?"

"Flashes of you dying…"

Desmond frowned. "You too, now? We'll, you'll tell me when something's about to happen, aye?"

"…Maybe."

"Don't be ridiculous, Charlie!"

"Well, I mean, if I feel like I need you around…I just might spare your life…"

Desmond sighed. "Fine. What do you want me to do?"

Charlie smiled. Maybe he didn't exactly have to make Desmond tell them about the boat just yet.

**On the Big Island In The Sky…**

"I just want to feel it…"

"You are _not touching my eye."_

Eko shrugged. "But you don't have eyes…"

Mikhail growled and reached out blindly in front of him. "You're right in front of me, aren't you?"

"You don't know where I am. I could be anywhere…"

"Eko!"

Eko reached out and poked Mikhail's tissue-covered eye socket, causing him to draw back and cover it.

"This is not funny in the least bit! I'm blind! You can't do this to me!"

Eko shrugged and walked away.

Mikhail frowned. "Wait, where'd you go?"

No answer.

"…Eko?"

Boone walked inside the room and saw Mikhail sitting in the center of the room, turning his head from side to side as if he was trying to see his surroundings.

"What're you doing?" Boone asked.

"I'm busy rotting slowly because no one wants to take care of a blind man. You?"

"I'm enjoying having vision."

Mikhail growled. "Where's Charlie? Where is he? I don't care if you can't kill anyone here - he's dead!"

"…Actually he's busy doing stuff on the Island."

_"What?!"_

"…Yeah…they sent him back for awhile, I guess…"

"To do what?!"

"To stop all the Charlie fans from committing their mass organized suicide, I'm guessing…that'll look bad on ABCs record."

"Really? What about my fans?! They care about me, too!"

* * *

Damon and Carlton are in the editing room, watching the finale. They get to the point where Mikhail is knocking on the porthole window and Damon pauses the screen.

"Ok, seriously, this is creeping me out. Someone's going to have to explain to me who this guy is."

"…You know…I don't know…" Carlton answers.

"Did we even _hire _this guy?"

"…I really don't remember."

They sit back and stare at the paused screen.

"Yeah, I don't know who the hell this guy is."

**-LOST-**

**Note:**Sorry for the random ending. I'm really trying to get back into this. Any suggestions or ideas are gladly accepted. I'm kind of making this up as I go along, so I'm feeling slightly out of control!


	12. Chapter 12

**Big Island In The Sky**  
Chapter Twelve

**Note:**Thanks for being considerate! I read back on chapter ten, and in my note I said my break wouldn't be long. I guess that's something I have in common with Damon and Carlton…I lie.

* * *

**On The Big Island In The Sky**

"It's been raining every damn afternoon!"

"…Uh. No it hasn't."

Arzt was standing on the beach, surrounded by everyone…who was looking at him rather skeptically. Except Boone, who seemed rather interested.

"Shut up, Shannon!" Arzt demanded. "Let me finish. Ok. That means we're on the cusp of monsoon season. Monsoon season is bad."

"Monsoon season?" Boone asked. "Why do people hunt monsoons?"

Arzt ignored him. "Now, the trade winds are blowing north right now! Shipping lanes are north. So north is exactly where you want to be."

"Hold on, hold on…" Shannon stopped him. "First of all, what are you talking about? Is this your raft thing? Because we don't have a-"

"What does that mean?" Boone asked, interrupting Shannon.

"It means that when monsoon season hits, the trade winds shift south. The raft goes with the wind. Can someone yell me what the only piece of land south of us is?"

Boone raised his hand eagerly. Shannon sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Absolutely nothing because we're on the Big Island In The Sky?"

"That's right, Shannon. Absolutely nothing."

"Ok, man, look. We don't even have a raft…" Paulo put in. "We're not trying to get rescued from here."

"Well, assuming you're going to build one soon…you needed to set sail yesterday."

"Wow. You're helpful…" Nikki sighed.

"I'm a doctor!" Arzt said defensively.

This got Boone's attention. "Whoa, wait a sec! I'm the only doctor here!"

"Boone, you're not a doctor," Shannon sighed. "Just because you were trained in first aid does not make you anything close to a doctor. You can't even perform CPR right!"

Boone glared at her and stormed off. He remembered his second attempt of performing CPR on the Island.

**-Flashback!-**

"Now, if you put your index finger here…middle finger here…and ring finger here…strum down. That's the G chord."

"Ok, Charlie, super. But I don't want to learn guitar."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Yes you do, Hurley. Everyone wants to learn guitar."

"This is where you're wrong."

"Hurley, it's not that hard!" Charlie took his guitar back and played all eight minutes and fifty-six seconds of November Rain, complete with the guitar solos. Hurley just stared at him blankly.

"Awesome. You're a musical genius, we get it. Can you please-"

"Show me what you've learned, Hurley."

Hurley rolled his eyes and grabbed the guitar roughly, putting it in his lap. He strummed a few chords experimentally and then began. "Mary had a little…lamb…" another hesitant strum. "…little lamb…" he rose his voice an octave and his fingers stumbled over the fret board. "Little lamb!" He stopped strumming and just spoke the rest of the song in a monotone. "Mary had a little lamb it's fleece was white as snow."

The caves erupted in applause.

Feeling slightly envious, Charlie reached out and grabbed his guitar and started to play again. A random girl sitting near them covered her ears and ran away screaming.

Boone approached now, staring at Charlie and shaking his head. "No…"

Charlie was standing up now. He set his guitar down and turned to walk away, but Boone ran forward and hugged his midsection, pressing his cheek against Charlie's stomach.

"You have to cut him down, Kate!"

Kate stared and backed away. Then she turned around and ran.

Hurley stared at Boone. He wasn't exactly surprised. "Come on, man. What're you doing…?"

Boone suddenly shoved Charlie onto his back and knelt over him. He spread his eyelids apart - although his eyes were already open. Then he put his ear by Charlie's mouth. Charlie blew onto Boone's ear, just to emphasize the fact that he was, indeed, breathing.

"He's not breathing," Boone concluded. He went for Charlie's mouth, but Charlie shoved his face away and tried to get up. But Boone held him down steadily and placed both hands on Charlie's chest, pressing down roughly. Charlie looked at Hurley pleadingly and Hurley shrugged.

"It's best to just let him get it out of his system…"

Charlie rolled his eyes and stared up at the treetops.

It went on like this for awhile. Boone had actually started _crying._Everyone around the camp in the caves were going about doing their normal things. Hurley decided it was time to break this up.

"Come on, Boone…it's ok…it's ok…" he grabbed Boone's shoulder and tried to pull him away.

Boone sat back on his heels for a moment, staring down at Charlie and tearing up. Charlie glanced from side to side and moved to sit up.

"No, no…" Boone wept, pushing Charlie back down. Charlie rolled his eyes and easily went back down.

"Oh, please God…" he muttered under his breath.

"COME ON, CHARLIE. BREATHE." Boone slammed his fist down onto Charlie's chest. Kate came back from wherever she had ran off to, got one look at them, and started crying.

Hurley groaned. "Oh, come on, stop it…now you're confusing Kate."

Kate ran forward and grabbed Charlie's hand, still crying. Hurley stood near the three of them, waving his arms in the air madly.

"Oh, please! We're all screwed when Kate gets confused! The world has to stop so every other male has to comfort her…"

Charlie had enough. He started wheezing and gasping and reaching for Boone for effect. Kate gasped happily and Boone laughed, gathering Charlie up in his arms.

Now Jack entered. He took one look at Charlie, Boone, and Kate and frowned. "What's going on here?"

Boone pointed at Charlie. "I just saved his life!"

"It was disturbingly _just like _the time he was hung!" Kate added in.

Charlie sat up and dusted dirt off his shirt. Jack stared at him.

"Charlie, how many times have you almost died here?"

"…A lot?"

"Well, make up your mind already."

"But I wasn't-"

"You either die or you don't, man."

Charlie threw his arms up in the air and stormed off.

Jack now caught site of Kate and he grinned. "Hey, Kate."

"Hey Jack."

They randomly started making out. No one looked up.

**On the Island…**

"Look," Desmond said. "I guess I forgot to mention the fact that it's not my girlfriend who's going to rescue us…Charlie let me know while he was dying…I…er…just remembered…"

The camp was gathered around Desmond. Jack was sulking because he wasn't the one making the speech. Someone spoke up.

"Wait, Charlie's dead?"

"I thought we buried Charlie last month…"

"Who's Charlie?"

"Wait, wait, he's the guy who got smashed under the plane, right?"

Desmond frowned at them. "Charlie - tiny blonde guitarist? Ring any bells? He's your bloody martyr!"

"Ohhh, the one with the heroin. Yeah. We don't like him."

Desmond rolled his eyes and walked over to where Charlie stood, still in his sunglasses and leather jacket. "Well, there - I told them. They don't seem to care."

Charlie shrugged. "Well, they can't blame you now when they get ambushed, can they?"

Desmond shrugged. "Guess not. Hey - any visions?"

"Nah - I think you redeemed yourself by telling them the truth. You got off a lot easier than me. I had to, you know…drown…to get yours to stop."

They wandered back to Desmond's tent. Charlie noticed a laptop sitting on Desmond's blankets. It had the internet browser open. Charlie blinked in surprise.

"You have the bloody internet and you never said anything?!"

"…I didn't think it really mattered…"

"Oh, well, it might've come in handy when we were trying to send a signal out, yeah?!"

"…Some…some of us don't think that fast!"

Charlie rolled his eyes and sat down in front of the computer. "What're you looking at anyw- OH MY GOD."

Charlie remembered the horrifying experience of reading slash fan fiction about himself on Shannon's computer. He remembered the writer, ChesmondLuver.

Desmond was logged onto that penname.

"Oh, you sick bastard!" Charlie exclaimed, jumping away from the computer like it was about to explode. "Oh, you're bloody disgusting!" Charlie ran for the exit of the tent, but Desmond grabbed him. Charlie screamed and tried to pull away.

"Charlie, calm down!"

"Calm down?! Me?! Your creepy burning desires, THAT'S what needs to be calmed down! Let go!"

"It's just writing, it doesn't mean anything!" Desmond exclaimed bitterly, closing his laptop. "I just get bored, ok?!"

Charlie scrambled away out of the tent.

**Back in the fiery rings of hell…**

"Damon - you should come look at this."

Damon walks over to where Carlton is sitting at his computer desk. He has his internet open to The Fuselage and is on a board called 'Charlie's Life Support Thread.'

"W-What…?" Damon sputters. "Charlie has life support? Wait…he has fans?"

Carlton scrolls down through the posts. "You should read all this, Damon. They're raging. Angry. Furious."

Damon is staring at the screen incredulously. "Well, we have access to this site! Delete it!"

"No…" Carlton says, backing away from the computer. "They've become too powerful…"

Frustrated, Damon takes Carlton's seat and starts going through the posts. "What's this?! Time travel…Charlotte Malkin and Charlie parallels…portals…why, Carlton! These are good ideas!"

"Well, should we use them?"

"Of course not!"

"…But…why?"

"Because they make sense!" Damon stands up, throwing his arms in the air. "The moment Lost makes sense is the moment we fall!"

Carlton stares at the screen accusingly. "Well, do they have a leader? If we destroy their leader, the rest will scatter! Just like if Jack died!"

Damon scrolls through the posts again. "No, no…they all seem to be equally infuriated."

"What do we do, Damon?!"

"There's only one thing we can do in a time like this, Carlton. The twenty-second Kate flashback."

"…But we've ran out of material. Her story is done with. And yet we keep her alive because she's one of our favorites!"

"Then we improvise."

* * *

Kate is sitting on the beach, staring off into the ocean. 

"WHY?!" she screams out at the waves. "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL?!"

There is a long pause. Gentle piano music starts playing in the background and she starts singing a different version of 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

"It's not easy…being hot…" she sighs as she sings. "Having to spend each day…being drastically prettier than everyone else…"

The piano music fades as she starts to have flashbacks that appear to her rather quickly…almost like flashes.

_Charlie runs into her and the topple over. "OOPS! Sorry!" Charlie screams. "I didn't mean to run into you and have you fall on top of me seductively!"_

_Kate is standing in the shore in her underwear, washing her hair. Sun comes up behind her. "OOPS! Sorry! I didn't mean to walk in on you displaying your unrealistic excuse of a body!"_

_Kate walks up on Jack as he takes off his shirt to inspect his wound from the plane crash. "OOPS! Sorry!" Jack cries. "I didn't mean for you to see me without my shirt on, thus dooming this show to a love triangle for the rest of eternity!"_

_Kate is running around the caves in her bra. Charlie runs up. "OOPS! Sorry! I guess me stepping on the beehive was only added in so everyone could see you practically topless!"_

_Kate and Sawyer are stripping down by the waterfall. Sawyer looks at her. "OOPS! Sorry! I didn't mean for my undressing to influence you into parading around in the panties you've been wearing for almost a month!"_

_Kate is getting out of the hatch shower. Jack sees her. Kate drops her bra and slowly bends down to pick it up. Jack doesn't blink. "OOPS! Sorry! I didn't know you were taking a shower, despite the steam and the running water!"_

_Kate is sitting with Jack one night. Jack asks for a spoon. Kate hands it to him, but not before licking it rather unnecessarily. _A creepy fat viewer pauses the screen and grunts.

_Kate is undressing in her tent. Sawyer walks in. "OOPS! Sorry! I didn't know you were changing, once again exposing the underwear you've been wearing for three months!"_

Kate stops having flashbacks and stops singing. She sighs. It's hard being the unrealistically gorgeous fugitive whose mug shot looks more like a glamour shot. Not to mention the fact that real fugitives are hardened and worn. They also don't have time to apply foundation, paint on freckles, and curl their hair every time they go on a trek.

She pulls it off, though. She's Kate.

**On the Big Island In The Sky…**

Mikhail, Eko and Ethan are playing Sims. They make Sim Charlie start swimming in one of the pools they have built.

They remove the ladder.

Sim Charlie drowns.

Mikhail gets some creepy pleasure from it all. Eko thinks it's funny. Ethan is just pissed.

**On the Island…**

"Hey, Guy From the Hatch? We were thinking we should have a memorial service for that one guy…"

Desmond sighed and nodded "All right…how do you want to do this?"

**Two hours later**

Desmond sighed and stared down at the grave. "You buried him?"

"Yeah," Jack answerd.

"…I didn't bring back a body."

Everyone exchanged looks and shrugged.

Desmond blinked. "Whose body did you bury?!"

No one answered.

Desmond sighed and grabbed a handful of sand. "Fine. Whatever. Lets just do this." He sprinkled his fistful of sand onto the grave.

Music started to play in the background.

"_When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go…downTOWN!"_

Juliet started dancing around. Desmond looked around, confused. "Wrong song!"

"_AaaaOOOOOHHHH…yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! HOOOOW DOES YOUR LIGHT SHINE IN THE HALLS OF SHAMBALA?! Tell me-"_

Desmond shook his head, frustrated. "This is a funeral! Who the bloody hell picks the music for these scenes?!"

The song changed again to the Blind Boys of Alabama's gravelly voices.

"_And I just reeeach for Mother Maaaarrry and I shall not walk alone…"_

Desmond nodded approvingly. "Ok, this works. Keep it-"

"_MAAAAKE YOUR OWN KIND OF MUSIC. SIING YOUR OWN SPECIAL SONG. YOU GOTTA-"_

Desmond sighed. "Could we just do with the slow sad orchestra music that always plays during scenes like this?!"

That music started playing.

Desmond nodded, content now. "Ok - does anyone want to say anything?"

"_EVERYONE IS HELPFUL, EVERYONE IS KIND ON THE ROAD TO SHAMBALA."_

"FINE!" Desmond exclaimed. "Fine! I give up! Who wants to talk?!"

The music faded to the background as Claire stepped forward. After all, people were expecting her to speak.

She cleared her throat and started reading from a piece of paper.

"Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor…eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow fro my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost…Charlie. Nameless here for evermore…"

Desmond blinked. "Claire, are you just reading 'The Raven' and putting in Charlie's name where Lenore's is…?"

Claire stepped back slowly, turned around, and ran.

Desmond rolled his eyes. "Ok, is there anyone else who-"

When he turned around everyone had walked away, already distracted. Desmond's shoulders slumped.

Charlie approached him. "This is the treatment you get for being the local pedophile."

Desmond stepped forward. "Charlie, I'm sorry your funeral-"

Charlie stepped back and held up a can of pepper spray. "Don't come too close. I carry this now."

* * *

**Note:**Ugh. I'm afraid this chapter wasn't too funny. I try to stop the self-bashing but it never works. Anyway, hopefully I'll think of something more later. Some of these things just come to me randomly. It's like a curse. 

Speaking of curses which makes me think of Hurley which makes me think of Charlie which makes me think of death…my mum told me today that I used to be terrified of the Grim Reaper when I was younger. Apparently when I was younger, I accidentally watched that demented South Park show and I guess the Grim Reaper killed off the one that always wears the really puffy coat…I don't know. But my mum said I flipped out and wouldn't shut up about it and I thought the Grim Reaper was real for a really long time. I was messed up.


End file.
